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  From schtic October 20

  Time hunnie, sounds like you did what you could some people just never can admit to themselves they have problems , I remember yelling and throwing shit I knew I was wrong but the drugs are so evil they take over you don't want to even belive it when you realize you can't qUit I'm sure that you were hurting by the lies and how many can you hear without fighting when you both know ... You shouldn't feel guilty about being mad knowing your love of your life would lie to your face but part of him couldn't help it and your not to blame I know his side and if I didn't hit bottom and lose everything I may be dead today and it would have been my own fault your life becomes so paralized by it you just can't understand it without living it , so much pain and he knew it was his fault but that's why the dope just escalates out of shame and fear and the sickness of being an addict you can't function without it I'm sure you have heard this all but it wasn't your fault you have to let go of the guilt you tried I know it hurts and it will but time will help I don't know if any of us ever get over the lose I'm 34 and just getting my life back though I don't know that the years of what I did won't kill me one day but if I were to go back no one would be responsible but me and it would hurt a lot of people I pray I make it I have been in treatment 2.5 years little more but I dunno if I can ever get over it just the fact I'm 34 and hell I still haven't started a career I went to college but I got out and just for a lot of reasons chose to escape and once I found the perfect escape it was all over I wanted nothing more I still miss it I just know I can never get enuff to not be sick half the time and that keeps me from using for now at least and my girl but I shit she didn't know I was an addict for a good year into our relationship and who's to say it will last after all we been through it wouldn't take but a single needle for me to find myself in the street and its cold outside , sorry I guess I'm rambling I can't sleep but you gotta let go of that guilt and probably morn your loss but you have to move on one day but again I'm coming from the user side so I don't know if I even make sense I'm not high I just I know how hard it is my friends lost 2 friends one after the other at shows recently one of them had been clean year and a half he just did one and was balling and they found him in the bushes in the parking lot of the concert I have lost countless friends another reason I try but I can't seem to well my girl wants to marry but I'm afraid if I start a family ill just fuk it up , I hope you can find some peace and live a full life again if I said anything that well don't mind me I just wanted to say your not alone you can get past this you have to want to but you can't save someone that dosnt want saving even if you do who's to say we'll always want it , its so easy when you high and nothing hurts the body the mind its easier sometimes to hide than to live I owe my life to well myself for one I had to decide myself , the lord a couple friends and a very understanding addiction medicine dr but he seems to think its time I got counseling he hasn't pushed or made me but I know he's right its just a matter of me getting comfortable with it but that he feels my girl also needs he says this never works out but he's not always right either but again maybe you could benefit from it too its nothing to be ashamed of it is what it is its not pretty but your life isn't over its. Surely different but please don't feel guilty you can't help what has happened you can only choose to live thru it and grow stronger but again what do I know I'm just in recovery myself

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  From widowat39 August 24

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