tracylynnc's Journal

another migraine for the month...guess what time of the month it is.. i really hate this perimenaupause stuff.  things at home are getting stale .....im not feeling anything lately for myself or my husband.  work is overwhelming, i have a few clients coming back from upnorth which is great.  i love them.  they are like my long distance family.  i really need some support.  my husband wants to know where we are at the the healing process.  he wants to know why we dont have our talks anymore about us and the kids and future.  I told him that maybe now that school is in full swing, my son has boy scouts, my daughter has violin practice, it just doesnt seem to have alot of time in the evenings for us.  as far as texting....he wants me to and if i dont withn a few hours of him leaving he gets concerned, i understand why, by i ask , why cant he text me first!! i know that i am the one who needs to show him and earn back his trust and show him that he is a good ,  loving person, but it would feel wonderful for him to text me!! ive been leaving cards at home for him to find, plus other stuff.  why not me.  i want to find stuff from him.  i am really confused ....i have therapy today and she wants to do the EMDR again on me.  wow...that wears me out physically, mentally and emotionally.  i revealed to her that i was sexually abused by my step dad when i was around 12 or so.  maybe that is why i am the way i am.  suffereing my anorexia in 1995, depression from then till now, binging and compulsively exercising, low self esteem, self confidence, co dependancy, wow with a mom being an alcoholic, im surprised i have tried that.  and then finally a cheater!! IAM ALL OVER THE PLACE WITH CHATTER TODAY.. i must really be in need of help!!!