not so good
November 15, 2009 5:37am
no booze no drugs lotsa sugar and fat...what can i say
Progress
20 %
Current Weight (Lbs)
196
tamimac
2:46pm, November 1, 2009
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About Me
tamimac
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About Me
Suffer from PSTD and addictive and destructive behaviours. PSTD is a heritage in my family. When my mom was one year old her parents divorced and her father's family stold her newborn baby sister from my grandma. My grandma looked desperately for her baby for years. When my aunt (the baby) was 30 they were finally reunited. Needless to say my grandma wasn't there emotionally for my mom. Furthermore she rejected my mom and punished my mother. My mom never knew her dad. My mom says she got pregnant the first time she had sex on her 15th birthday. Her mom sent her to a home for unwed mothers and forced her to give up her baby for adoption and then sent her to a mental institution and had shock therapy administered to her three times as well as having her put on medications. I was born about three years after that and then my mom had a baby every year for four years and her last when i was 10. By the time I was 5 I was virtually a mother of four, my own mother and my three little sisters. All my nightmere childhood I tried to protect and care for my sisters but I was powerless to spare them from the agony of abuses we all suffered. When i was 21 i went to my mothers doctor and spoke to him about my concerns with her mental health and he calmly told me she had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (bpd) years before. i had never heard of it and after researching it i was horrified. all the times my mother had tried to commit suicide and we had gone to foster care while she was in the psych ward and on all kinds of meds, all the social workers and the doctors did they not realize that she was not capable of raising so many children? they never addressed anything with any of us. i went to a mental health clinic and was told i am one of the forgotten children - the children of the mentally ill. is there relief in labelling? not really but at least there is some type of recognition. the doctors feel so satisfied with diagnosis and prescriptions. take this pill as if that will solve anything. i've seen what pills do and i'm not interested. my story goes on and on there is no end to the dramatic details. to this day it continues, my sister, my neice diagnosed with bpd trying to kill themselves. so many suicide attempts no successes not that i wish for that. but it's just a world of pain, a black hole of agony. and what of those of us who can pull of functioning in the world, we suffer in silence. there is no unity no support in my family we are all enemies there is no trust no love no hope. i have done a lot of therapy. i have impressed many people with my stories. they will say i am a survivor but the truth is i am surviving every moment is a survival and the pain is exponential. to see this pass through the generations is absoutely heartwrenching. my heart bleeds for many i have become a channel of horror and pain. I am here to remember I am not as alone as I feel and to reach for the light.
Suffer from PSTD and addictive and destructive behaviours. PSTD is a heritage in my family. When my mom was one year old her parents divorced and her father's family stold her newborn baby sister from my grandma. My grandma looked desperately for her baby for years. When my aunt (the baby) was 30 they were finally reunited. Needless to say my grandma wasn't there emotionally for my mom. Furthermore she rejected my mom and punished my mother. My mom never knew her dad. My mom says she got pregnant
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Interests
horticulture therapy global relations history culture anthropology ethnobotany expressive creativity art pain and suffering suppositions fears conquests satisfaction elation devastation despair hope peace possibility love joy acceptance transcendance purpose vitality signifigance connection independance, despair
horticulture therapy global relations history culture anthropology ethnobotany expressive creativity
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Recent Activity
November 15
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tamimac wrote a journal entry updating their Get back into shape! goal 5:37am
no booze no drugs lotsa sugar and fat...what can i say…
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tamimac wrote a journal entry updating their not use alcohol goal 5:36am
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tamimac wrote a journal entry updating their quit smoking pot goal 5:35am
almost three months! can't hardly believe it i think i've done it...still suffering WEIRD dreams...…
October 23
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tamimac wrote a journal entry updating their not use alcohol goal 1:01pm
Wow this 2 months has seemed like a long time. Guess that's just more confirmation that I'm doing…
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tamimac updated their status 12:58pm
i made 2 months & feel great…
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Journal
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still pot free
November 15, 2009 5:35am
almost three months! can't hardly believe it i think i've done it...still suffering WEIRD dreams...
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2 months!
October 23, 2009 1:01pm
Wow this 2 months has seemed like a long time. Guess that's just more confirmation that I'm doing the right thing. Feels really good. Thanks …
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still sober
October 18, 2009 5:52pm
made it thru my first thanksgiving and court date sober...almost two months...feeling great
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Hugbook
Thumbs Up
Im with ya! Atta Girl!!!
High Five
Good Work!
Hug
Thanks for yor support and good job to you .Keep it up!!!
Tony
Congrats
Good for you! All of that is really great, and I know myself that God has been relieving my triggers and concerns more and more! Way to go! You've made steps and you'll go far. Good luck and God Bless. :)
High Five
Great to hear your on a good path Tami, just fantastic. Keep up the effort, it gets even better. :}
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Psoriasis
Affected Areas: Psoriasis of the Skini have had psoriasis for 9 years, started on my elbows moved to my knees and then my legs as well, tried all kinds of things
Treatments
- Betamethasone (Topical) Working / Worked
- seems to work for a day or two and blam back worse than ever, but the psoriasis changes all the time regardless never goes away
- Coal Tar Working / Worked
- not really
- Dovonex Working / Worked
- not really
- Hydrocortisone Working / Worked
- no
- Phototherapy Working / Worked
- time in the sun seems to lessen it, dry it up a bit
Open Alcoholism
alcoholism has always been a problem in my life. my father's drinking terrified me and i started when i was about 16 just couldn't take it any more and joined the club i have slowed down a lot in recent years and totally this summer but the damage is done with my own kids and so here i am finally ready i hope to be free
Treatments
- 12 Step Program Working / Worked
- long ago didn't work but helped was useful
- AA Meetings Working / Worked
- haven't been for years...you just don't know what's going to happen there and then you're sure to be seen by somebody if you fall and go to the bar or liquor store ooh the shame
- Cold Turkey Working / Worked
- so far...well i went for three weeks, drank for a week quit for a week, drank for a day, quit for about two weeks now...
- Willpower Working / Worked
- comes and goes
Open Child Support & Custody
my ex and i broke up 6 years ago our daughter is now 8. he has seen her about once a year and has been taking me to court for the past five years. even though we now have two consent custody orders in place he is currently sueing me for custody as well as to have his child support arrears cancelled and payments lowered. currently in the process of both of us having to undergo psychological evaluations before trial
Open Marijuana Addiction & Recovery
chronic pot smoker since 1986 recently quit
Open Breakups & Divorce
i need to break up and leave
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
emotional abuse is a formative issue and is rearing its ugly head in my current relationship
Treatments
- Abuse Counseling Working / Worked
- it's an ongoing process
- Group Therapy Working / Worked
- Music Working / Worked
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Talking Working / Worked
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Groups
