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CupOfTea696 
3:27pm Monday
I couldnt help it. I cutted again. I know I promised DeanneLee that I'd try not to. And I did try. But I couldnt stop myself.
I stopped after my second cut. I was getting scared. I think this time a really went deeper. I mean, certainly my cuts have gotten deeper since I started, I can see that when I look at the scars. But the bleeding wasnt that worse then when I first started. And now it bleeded harder then ever. I know it wasnt nearly deep enough to be scared. But I was.
The positive side is, for the first time in a long time, it keeps hurting. That means that I'll probably be satisfied for a change and that the urge will actually be gone after cutting. But I know that one day, a day just like this, I'll go deeper and still make a lot of cuts. And then x time later, I'll go even deeper. And deeper. Its only getting worse. I dont feel any regrets so far. And I certainly dont have regrets about the scars. I want them to stay so one they when ppl see them and ask I can proudly say "These are my battle scars. They've helped me trough a really difficult time and they're the reason I'm still here and I can tell you this."
I stopped after my second cut. I was getting scared. I think this time a really went deeper. I mean, certainly my cuts have gotten deeper since I started, I can see that when I look at the scars. But the bleeding wasnt that worse then when I first started. And now it bleeded harder then ever. I know it wasnt nearly deep enough to be scared. But I was.
The positive side is, for the first time in a long time, it keeps hurting. That means that I'll probably be satisfied for a change and that the urge will actually be gone after cutting. But I know that one day, a day just like this, I'll go deeper and still make a lot of cuts. And then x time later, I'll go even deeper. And deeper. Its only getting worse. I dont feel any regrets so far. And I certainly dont have regrets about the scars. I want them to stay so one they when ppl see them and ask I can proudly say "These are my battle scars. They've helped me trough a really difficult time and they're the reason I'm still here and I can tell you this."
Comments
Hey stop right there buddy! You promised you would try not to and you did try, real hard, and Im proud of you for that okay.
I understand how hard it is to fight the urges, most times I loose against them too, but you have done SO well, I am VERY proud of you. I want you to remember that.
Im always gonna be here for you, so when you decide its time to stop then I will help you the best I can, even if all you need me to do is listen then I will, just IM me or PM if Im not online.
You are so strong hun, dont let anyone get you down!
((BIG huggles!))
Speak soon xx
DeanneLee
Thx!
CupOfTea696
Is no prob hun xx
DeanneLee
its good to clarify those promises because theres a big difference between making a promise to NOT cut and TRYING NOT TO cut. I know that I can't make promises to NOT cut anymore because that just sets me up for failure. But I can make promises to TRY NOT TO cut
sparky82
U can make me promise to try not to cut for the urge I am having. U cant make me promise to try not to cut ever. And certainly not to try to stop.
CupOfTea696
ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THAT CHOICE NO ONE ELSE CAN
sparky82
Yes. And im not ready to make it just yet.
CupOfTea696