AliceNWunderland's Journal

I'm free from my husband now, but I must admit I feel a tremendous loss. I just wish he could have not been so ragefull and angry all the time, but he refused to seek help. I had to protect myself and my children.

He cut his hair, and I must say he looked really good in court. However, when I got to the house and saw the state it was in and what he took, I knew I did the right thing by leaving him. I mean, why would he take my curio cabinet with my crystal geode and my dead uncle's peace plant if he really loved me and cared??? Those things were special to me, and he knew it.

His mother sent me an ugly message. Oh well... she has no idea how he is because she hasn't been there for him his entire life. He was raised by his grandparents.

I'm starting over completely now. It's ok tho, I'm with my parents and finally I can sleep at night.

I am glad to finally be out of the women's shelter and back online. I was in the shelter because I was afraid he would come after me or something, but after court I could tell he won't, so I'm with my parents to save money for my own place... possibly after next summer.

I don't think I'll ever be with another man again. It just hurts too bad. I think I'll stick to women. Not lesbian, just friends... someone to be with. My sister and I might move in together. I still love my husband, and it hurts me that he is divorcing me, but I know that I can move on with God. I just hope that my husband gets help. I worry about him. But I just could not stand aside when my children were in fear and saying things like, "Why does Daddy scream at you all the time Mommy?" That is no way for a child to grow up.

I've been doing ok especially considering the circumstances. I haven't even had but one seizure the entire time I was in the shelter. I am no longer waking up in a cold sweat. Everyone tells me I had horrible black circles under my eyes that have since disappeared. I feel like I can make it. I'm just heartbroken that hubby could not find it in him to seek some help for my sake and the children's. He tried to be better those last few weeks, but I knew it couldn't last. He was already showing signs of getting rageful, and when I accidentally told a crisis line about what my son told me, he went through the roof and threatened to take the kids to another state. He later said he couldn't realistically do it, but he has relatives with money who could have financed him.

Anyway, I'm tired. I'll be back tomorrow probably, and definitely Monday. I missed everyone so much!