gxs's Journal

I thought, given my emotional state of mind and all the stuff happening in my life, i would find it diffivcult to control my urge for alcohol. Alcohol used to be my retreat - to run away from the pain in my life. Even understanding that it was bad for my health, i still sought it.

The day of enlightment came when the doc told me that my testesterone hormone levels were lower than normal and he wanted me to start of on HRT. It was like an epiphany - I had a thought that my ED was probably not my fault and just afterall a medical condition. That thought was the ray of light that i climbed on and started towards the sunlight. I dont need to blame myself for where i am today - bad stuff does happen to good people!

Its been a week now since i have been away from alcohol and have been surprisingly calm. I have been able to start accepting things happening in my life: Psoriais, ED, my wife wanting to leave me. etc. I know that full acceptance is probably years away - but l want to take one day at a time.

The positive side effect of my alcohol abstinence is my Psoriaris is feeling better (subsiding slowly but surely). I feel better as a whole. let me not fool you - i still hope my wife will share my optimism for life and not leave me - hopeless romanmctic, some may claim.