SullsMum

Close Pet Bereavement

I don't know where to put the pain. I've read each heart wrenching story and yet I can't seem to apply the beautiful words to myself. My baby boy Sullivan a 10 and a half year old 180 pound newfy is gone. He slowed way down and was having a difficult time getting up. My living quarters are upstairs - lately he had to stay down at the bottom of the stairs and he cried cause he wanted to be with me. A few nights ago I came home after only being gone for a few hours to find him laying in a puddle of urine. His tongue was swollen and he was so upset panting so hard. I tried to get him up but could not help my baby. I stayed with him and fed him hamburger and washed his face with cool water. All night he lost control and urinated having to lay in it struggling to get up. Toward morning he settled down and rested. He was finally able to get up and go outside. I bathed him and fed him cold cucumbers. I took him to the vet where I was told,"this is a very old dog. He may have another good week or two maybe a month but he will end up as he was last night" I kept thinking how sad he was laying in his urine - how if he came up the stairs and fell down the pain he would go through and how I can't lift him or move him or help him I made the decision to have him put down. I stayed in the back of the truck we had lifted him in on a strecher. I told him to put his head on Mommy and held him and told him he's a good boy and now he's gone and I hate myself After his bath and getting in the truck he was so happy cause I always used to bathe him, comb him and then take him out for the day for a walk, an ice cream and McDonalds. He trusted me he thought he was having a nice day not that his Mumma was taking his life

Close Families & Friends Of Addicts

I have some very hard choices to make. My youngest child age.25 is an addict. He has been an addict for quite some time although at this point I'm not clear when it took him. Around 5 or 6 years ago he came to me and told me he was addicted to cocaine and wanted to go into a rehab. We went through quite an ordeal and ended up in an out patient treatment and stayed at a camp close to the center. Well that sobriety didn't last long and recently I found he was dealing oxi and other junk in order to feed his habit. After confrontation and fear of prison he went to a Methodone clinic. Getting to the place I have found myself. My addict son has a beautiful little son, my sweet little 2 year old grandson. My son has stopped going to the clinic which of course means he's back on the junk. Although I hate the methodone clinic as well at leaast I didn't feel my grandbaby was in danger. I confronted my son today telling him he has to get into a hospital and clean up. He told me no,not going to do it. I want guardianship papers drawn up so other steps can be taken and my little grandson isn't taken by the state. Objections all around my son and the baby's mother know my position and they are using the baby as a shield. My thoughts are tough...tell him to get into a hospital or I'll call the police and the DHS even if they don't give me guardianship. I just want my grandson shielded from all of it. I don't want to lose him and I don't want to bury my baby

Treatments

Patience Somewhat Helpful

Fuuny thing about patience. I'm not really sure if I have developed patience or if I'm just plain tired!

Talking Somewhat Helpful

Through out my life I have always picked up the phone or taken a drive over to my parents and told them my frustrations and hurts. They are so kind and baby the hell out of me. I feel understood and loved and like boy, they get it! Over the last few years I have backed off telling my parents about my heart breaks and parts of life that are unpleasant. They are getting up there in age and so ts important they see there "baby" (old as I am) happy. When I had Sullivan I talked his furry ears off. I told him all my secrets - some weren't for human ears anyways! Dogs don't judge! Haha. Talking as with writing is very sorting for me. Thankfully I have my beautiful mate who is always there for me.

Writing Working / Worked

Life is a journey...constantly changing. Perhaps at this point in my life, change is the one thing of which I am certain. Writing is often something I do when I'm in tremendous emotional pain. Its my release and some times there are things that the ones who love you most can't handle knowing - emotions get to be a bit much. Its also my way of reaching out. I have found such comfort writing about my Sullivan Baby. I feel writing keeps him from being forgotten. He will be in my heart forever. My writing is so others know how noble, wonderful, peaceful, bright and funny he was. He gave so much complete unselfish love and part of the reason I write is to honor him.