rambler's Journal

Journal Entry for September 2, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008

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1. 

   Oh, rambler, I just spoke at my mother's memorial and now think about my own mortality and my crazy life as I cousel my niece who is estranged from her father, my brother. I wrote her a letter and accidentally sent it to my sister and now, sure enough, it has made the rounds and I'm in deep shit.
   When you mentioned the holidays, I immediately thought Ah! You're Jewish! This is the time of the High Holy Days. God is "in the field, so they say; he is accessible. Before we come to God on Yom Kippur, we must pay our debts, clean our house, and give and get forgiveness from all we have offended. Only then may we go to Temple and He forgives us before we ask so that's a no brainer, but the killer is at the end of the day The Book of Life is sealed; only God knows who will die within the year so we all make sure that we start the New Year with a clean slate and a promise to be better. "May you be inscribed in The Book of Life," rambler. It's certainly a different kind of holiday from all the gift-giving and gaiety. We have eight days of Hanukkah. During The Day, there's a Yisgar Service, in rememberance of those who've died. The difference between our religions is that we don't believe in Heaven. At the service for the dearly departed, the rabbi is there saying we don't know where you go but as long as we remember, then you're not so far away. Life is a puzzlement, ain't it?
   
   May your sadness turn to joy as you remember good times and savor the memories of love and laughter. I don't know how I'll do Christmas without my mother. I have a mentally retarded daughter who still believes so I guess I have my work cut out for me. Uh, sorry, rambler, Too Much Information! At least I didn't give you any poop about moving on! If you're close to Santa Barbara, I have a hot tub, sauna, and spring-fed swimming pond and the stars are so mystical and I find my Happy Place. Happy Thoughts and Hugs to you, rambler. Thanks for your hug. Back atcha. Peace and Blessings. If you want to exchange thoughts on the political platforms, you're on! (They don't call me Longstory for nothing!)

   
   

   longstory

2. 

   :(
   
   omg I know how you feel.
   I have a very alive family who will not acknowledge me.
   Alot of my pain inside comes from my mother and my father. Other family members and horrible incidences. People try to tell me to move on. I tell em to F off.
   When this time of year rolls around I think of them.
   I hate my mother. But I die for her love. Her birthday, my fathers birthday my birthday my brothers birthday and my sisters birthday are all within this end of the year.
   But I think about them every single day. A very large part of me is also dead. No one can change that. But the best thing for us is to understand that pain and not confuse it for anything else. I understand it. I dont like it but I understand.

   
   

   Gumption

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