bookmaven's Journal

WARNING: Venting and Bad Language 

i just sent a very inappropriate message to someone who is concerned that her bf's son, stationed at ft. hood, hasn't called them yet. i don't know why he hasn't called, nearly everyone we know has been in touch with friends and family. it was inconsiderate of me to vent my frustration about the situation and the base when really she was just looking for answers and prayers and well wishes. i do wish her and her bf's family the best, and i'm sorry i snapped off a reply that probably seemed callous. she didn't deserve that when she'd just asked for some information. i'm feeling overly cranky and short-tempered this morning. i don't mean to take it out on other people, but i have and i'm sorry. it's just that i'm so frustrated.

i'm very sorry for what's happened and i grieve for the lives lost and the families effected, but honestly something like this was bound to happen. the base is huge and a good portion of the guys stationed here are cocky bastards who either have video-game syndrome (where they don't register other people as actual human beings, but as targets--here for their entertainment) and/or PTSD because the rotations to Irag and Afghanistan are ridiculous and they don't get a sufficient break to recover before they're sent off again.

i have a friend whose two year old daughter completely freaked out when her dad came home from his last tour because she'd didn't remember ever seeing him before and thought a stranger had come to her house to hurt her and her mommy. she had nightmares for months because "the bad man" was staying at their house.

the whole community is messed up, but because they army can't afford bad press so they hush everything up here. like the homeless guy two months ago who was run down by three soldiers then set on fire and left to die as they watched him burn...course that didn't make cnn.

the STD and pregnancy rates are ridiculous, but no one reports on that either. we have a large percentage (i don't remember the number exactly) of women infected with HIV or have full-blown AIDS. 40% of the single women here have chlamydia or gonorrhea according to a report that went out in may commissioned by the health department and the chamber of commerce. and that's just single women who've reported their condition. there are a lot of women who haven't reported or gotten treatment. and the report was just on single women. there are a HUGE number of "military wives" who prostitute themselves while their husbands are away, or solicit sex partners on craigslist. what kinds of diseases are they bringing home? makes you wonder and worry.

that doesn't count the number of army guys who are infected and making women sick around here because those numbers aren't reported to the civilian population--it's all hush hush. and two weeks ago all military personnel were blacklisted from the largest club closest to the base because of the number of pregnant women applying to base command for support of children fathered by soldiers who frequented that club.

a good number of bars/clubs here have blacklisted certain platoons because of fights, threats to other patrons, and property damage. and it's only getting worse, the numbers of blacklisted personnel is rising. there was a shooting at a sports bar we frequent (i don't drink often but my sister goes every thursday) three weeks ago. off-duty soldier of course.

the drunk driving endangers everyone. the high speed races late night on the main highway and connected streets endangers everyone, and nearly every guy here has a souped up or expensive sports car (or a motocycle they drive recklessly).   

sometimes, i hate ft. hood. okay, a lot of the time i hate ft. hood. they've already started white-washing this incident, like they do every other bad thing that happens here. there were actually more shooters than they're reporting now. the base can't afford bad press so the statements they've been releasing reducing the number of shooters is highly suspect in my view. supposedly two suspects were questioned and released yesterday. oh really? then why were we on alert for five suspects? no clip or handgun carries enough ammo for the carnage yesterday. and sorry but the whole vilification of anyone "islamic" is stupid. the primary shooter is of jordanian descent and was not islamic. so the national news has been blowing that all out of proportion too. 

i'm so sick of these guys who think they're entitled to treat other people like dirt because they're army. domestic abuse rates are sky high here. the number of civilians beat up by guys posted here are mad high too. and the children of these soldiers really need psychological help that they're not getting because the hospitals here suck and there aren't enough psychologists or psychiatrists in the area.

everywhere there are yellow ribbons and people put up with all this bad behaviour because the base is good for the local economy, but shit, the egos and arrogance are enough to turn my stomach. it just pisses me off. we've never lived in a military town as effed up as it is here. when i talk to my parents about it we compare and a lot of it has to do with the army being the branch of military that accepts the highest numbers of young recruits. young recruits who barely made it through high school, and are easily indoctrinated, and more easily pressured by peers to act out because they know they won't be seriously punished.

another problem is that there are a lot of sergeants here who REVEL in humilating those of lesser rank just because they can, and those who've been bullied later become the same kinds of assholes.

but we're all supposed to turn a blind eye because they're "heroes"? don't make me laugh, good numbers of them are bullies and abusers. we won't talk about the drug use here. and if you speak out against any of this you're unpatriotic or un-American. since when do we excuse cruelty and irresponsibilty because it's bad for morale to criticise an extension of the government? why are so many people sheep? as some say, the country is drunk on the kool-aid. even the chapter of iraq veterans against the war has to meet in secret here. that's pathetic. 

i feel so bad for the ones who aren't terrors, and really have their hearts in service because so many of them get cheated on or taken advantage of. until recently if you were deployed you had to have someone who lives in town hold your power of atty, so there were a slew of quickie marriages to women who just spent the guy's pay while they were away. one soldier we know paid to have his father move here for the duration of his tour because he had no one here he trusted to hold his power of attorney.

it's sick and it's sad, and as a nation we give these guys license to hurt others because "all American soldiers" serve their country (in a useless war started to make our former president look competent) with "honour and distinction" and "deserve the support and gratitude of the American people" -- all i have to say to that is pffffffffffffffft.

i grew up with men and women who really were honourable who truly "served" granted there are always ambitious or abusive bastards who took advantage and were more concerned with furthering their careers and lording their political power over others, but when i was growing up they were the exception not the norm. now, it's just a mess and the military is full of ignorant, arrogant, uneducated cannon fodder.

miltary brats like me used to say the hierarchy of competence was airforce, navy, marines, then army. as my Da used to say when i was old enough to have conversations that included profanity: "the army is full of dumb fucks and if your brothers join up i'll kick their asses, or send them to nana's--she knows how to use a switch." it's changed a lot, now it's navy first and airforce second, but as far as i'm concerned, the behaviour here has just further convinced me that the army is full of dumb fucks, mostly anyway.

don't get me wrong, i don't hate the military, i do disapprove of what they've done to a generation of young men and women. i support my brothers (decommissioned navy and active-duty airforce) because i love them, but their service has changed them too. the lessons we grew up with about respect and open-mindedness have been whittled away by their tours of duty. they use language that i find offensive and racially based that makes me sad, especially considering the way we were sometimes treated on mostly white bases. they know better than to power-trip, they know better than to degrade others, and yet they have because their peers and commanding officers encourage it.

we were not raised to be mindless followers, my brothers aren't, but they're not allowed to speak up either, and sometimes i wonder how many families have to deal with the change in their children, and despair over how to get the decent, conscientious people they once were back.

okay enough ranting, i'm sure i've offended some, but this is how i feel and it's eating me up inside. i'm so angry and frustrated. i'm so sad and dissapointed. i wish things were different, better...i applaud those trying to make a difference, but they're fighting an impossible tide of public and command based sentiment.