ebiii's Journal

First off, I don't have a point in mind here, so this really is just me rambling. Second, thank you to everyone who has showed me support on here. I really do appreciate it. Often when I'm talking to someone about issues regarding my eyesight they'll say "that sucks' with a somber face, but they really don't understand what its like, you know? They just can't understand to what degree it affects my life. But if anyone can I think it would be you guys.

I had a shrink for a while who suggested I try to find a support group, so I found this one. Actually she suggested that I try to date a woman who has vision problems. I have no idea how the hell I'm supposed to do that. I won't get into that but it made me decide to try to find other people who deal with some of the same issues that I do.

I think I'm starting to get really depressed again. I should probably briefly explain the last time. I was married 2 1/2 years when my wife left me last december. That shattered my world and spilled over into my work which started on a downward spiral that never really recovered. At the end of Feb my house was burglarized, and I moved immediately which caused me to miss more work. Things kept affecting me more and I started seeing a shrink. I tried an antidepressant but hated the side effects so I quit after a week. I started talking to a girl a whole lot and started to feel better about things; my work performance improved a bit, I started eating more, ect.

But last month I got sick and missed work and was fired because of excessive absences, which isn't at all like me. I started having a really hard time going to sleep. The girl I was talking to started dating another guy. I really want to get back into school but can't decide on what I want to concentrate next. My bills are paid up till Dec but otherwise I'm broke. I hardly ever leave my house. Jobhunting hasn't produced anything yet and is of course made more difficult because of transportation. You know, its not only how do I find a job but how will I get to & from that job if I get it?

I totally didn't start writing this intending to go on about my troubles. I guess I needed to vent to nobody in particular. 

I really want to move out of oklahoma but figure I should finish any schooling I intend to do here where I get in state tuition fees. You know, I'm the first person from my family to graduate high school, let alone go to college and get a degree. My bachelor's is in Spanish and I really don't want to study 2 more years of Spanish literature. I'm thinking about going into Engineering Physics. Just toying with it really. Science and math interest me but I don't know if that is something I want to commit to. Honestly I would probably move to Oregon or Washington right now if I had money to do it, or somewhere to stay, or a job prospect.

I'm running out of steam here. Didn't really say anything, just kinda complained. Like I said, I just felt like rambling. Its 3:33 am and I'm really not tired. I finished off the last of my keg of homebrewed beer with my neighbor and decided to have a few more and watch some movies and finally reply back to some of you. Don't get the impression that I'm a heavy drinker or an alcoholic; for a beer nerd I really don't drink vury much or often.

But I really am out of stuff to ramble about so I will wish any reader the best and finish my sci fi movie and try to go to bed. Sorry for all the complaining.