bloodroses's Journal

So I've stuck to what I said before about stopping dating people, but now I'm going mad with loneliness. My whole family are in couples.. my eldest brother is living with his girlfriend, my other brother has got his girlfriend living with us and they are engaged and my younger sister who I might add is only 16, is bloody pregnant! And she is still with her boyfriend. I'm 18, I'm alone, I've sworn off relationships, but all I can think about it how everyone is getting older.. less and less people are going to be single and nice enough for me to want them, one day I'll be so alone I'll end up marrying someone I hate just because I need someone there for me.

  Right now, all I want is to have someone to love and love me back, I want to share my life with someone that means something to me. I really wish I could meet the girl that is in my dreams, but I don't think she's out there. All the guys I've ever met have all turned out to be assholes and all the girls are either straight or a bitch.. Even when I finally find a gay girl they are usually nothing like what I am looking for. A young shy girl that I can have a laugh with, feel comfortable around and be able to hold her at night, look into her eyes and just know that I'd never want to be without her. Where is she? I need her.

 Since I found out that my sister is pregnant, which was about 2 weeks ago now, I've been pretty upset, I always thought it would be me, I wanted it to be me, the one to have a baby young. I've always wanted a baby, someone to love uncondistionally, someone to care for. Now I can't even have that. I've been engaged around 3 times.. once that was properly done with a ring.. I've tried to have kids with all three of these men, and ended up with us breaking up or whatever before the three months are over and we can start trying. Now I have no one, I've been messed about by guys and girls which has scared me so much that I can't even really let myself get attached anymore! AND I cannot have a baby because of this.

Am I going crazy?

I bloody think so!!

Help me please, anyone? =[

xxxx