emopanda's Journal

So I haven't been on here for most of the month in august and I just wanted to write about what has been happening. Okay so one of my friends told me she is pregnant which was a shock to me because she is like a 4.0 student and everything. Also had been busy with marching band. They worked us out so hard I was so sore i could barely get up in the morning. I lost 20lbs while in marching band(YAY!!!) our section leader made the entire low brass section(baritone, trombone, and tuba) run a total of 2 miles a day and one top of that I had to carry an instrument that is ten pounds and looks like a trumpet but bigger and heavier. At one point my music teacher had saw my cuts and talked to me about it and told me a story how one of his old students and lit himself on fire and killed himself and he told me how he wouldn't want to bury me. I did contemplate of stabbing myself and I had a knife to my stomach but I put the knife down. I been getting better and had a really bad slip up where my self harm escalated to where I did three forms of SI in one day in the same area (burning, cutting, and hammering wrist/hand) I have been getting better and haven't SI in 4 days.