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richardmoderate 
9:00am Saturday
i had intended to add this poem-written on the crumbling subway this morning just to show there is some joy in my life-among the strangeness-but some recent news has me very upset about someone i have come to care for very much-hoping to hear from them soon-and that they are taking steps towards healing-now the poem seems frivolous-but i toss it in anyway-just to show that i am having moments of lightness and feeling alright to my friends
BAD CASTING
why am i always an extra
in my own movie?
i mean
i did all the work
the writing-directing
music-art design
so how come
i am that guy
sitting at a table in the back
pretending to read a newspaper
or maybe i am the man
holding his hand up to
the sleepy bartender
couldn't i at least be
a character actor
like the late great Percy Helton
the guy whose name
nobody remembers
but as soon as they see
that pudgy face
the minute they hear
that signature squeaky voice
they all say
oh THAT guy
why couldn't i
at least be
THAT guy
i mean they are the movies spun from my life
couldn't i at least say
a few lines?
Comments
Cute-i do get it but in my life I tend to be the "star" or character actor...feel like all eyes on me...ever since days at an ER designed like a fishbowl with nurses & docs in middle. these days I would rather take a seat on the back pew...just keep my head down & observe and hopefully learn instead of being the example held up as what not to do..... ((hugs))
surferchica
its the canvas that hold up the painting
mikes16
surferchica-CUTE???CUTE---like mary poppins or hallmark??i honestly thought the contradiction-which happens to be true- i meant to show my friends-such as yourself-that i had lightened up -two words in the english language totally repulse me 1.cute 2. romantic-even though-i know-i originate it-i am always in the background of my own life-is this an alien way of thinking?-i have always had it-and thought my letting on that i was aware of it would give my friends a laugh-or at least a snicker-but CUTE-gaaaahhhh!!! somehow reminds me of the morrissey song "mr Shankley" where he sings
"frankly id be more fulfilled/writing christmas cards for the mentally ill" cute? now i feel sick
richardmoderate
mikes16-it's not your fault but your glib remark had me running for Joseph Kosuth's (the godfather of conceptual art-and for a while the editor of Art and Language) book" Art after philosophy and after" on my way back i kicked over my wine-dropping and staining the first 25 pages of one of my most precious possessions-also staining the first few pages of "The writings of Robert Smithson-" another of my most valued books-and all just to look in the index and tell you to read"painting Versus Art Versus Culture (or,Why You Can Paint if You Want to, but it Probably Won't Matter)" page 89-which has escaped wine stains-read it anyway-if you can find an undamaged copy-not blaming you for my haste and clumsiness -but if it hadn't been for that Cute remark my favorite books -both first editions-would be dry and safe right now-that is the price i pay for feeling i have to respond to CUTE or CLEVER one liners
richardmoderate
all wine mopped up now-thanks to all those copies of Quaker Journal lying around for fast action-as to the damage to my beloved books-i will just consider the whole incident an act of "process art"-but please-please dear friends-no more CUTE or CLEVER-all i wanted to do was show you i was feeling happy for a change-thankful i saved all my buddhist texts in time-and that there was a fresh bottle of wine to open-now i can return to sulking
richardmoderate
you are too deep for cute...sorry you're upset. as for lightness... hmmm...lightness... sorry I just am personally having a hard time with the concept...today at least. it has nothing to do with your delightful poem...i actually find despair in the word "nice" about as much as you you in that word. hope this finds you in a better mood. peace..sc aka....m
surferchica
Your poem was moving. To me it seemed wistful. As though you were longing to play the lead and move ahead, still leading. So glad you are writing again. You write so well. It is a pleasure to see your poems.
April3third