42YRS

Close Breakups & Divorce

After 42 years of marriage, my husband left. We were seperated for 7 months. Horrific! We both learned a great deal and began to recognize the true love and caring we have for each other. We wanted our marriage and relationship with each to work. So, we did what we needed to do: Treat each other with respect, caring and kindness. We are living each day in a more beneficial way in regard to our interactions and communications with each other.

Treatments

Couples Counseling Working / Worked

Counceling worked for us. Our therapist, who is essentially, mine, especially since the seperation, was on top of it all from the very beginning. Commitment is the key word in any relationship whether it be in a marriage or true to oneself and doing what is needed to be done. I would not give up.

Family Therapy Working / Worked

Worked well for me, husband and two daughters who are now mature adults.

Forgiveness Working / Worked

Just go by this: "To err is human; to forgive is devine". My husband taught be those quotes. The Lord forgives and does not remember our sin. Therefore, we/I have to forgive and not remember nor bring up the past. The Bible says to not live in the past, but in the future. The 12 step programs say, One Step at a Time. Love and forgive. Forgive and love. That is the answer.

Keeping Busy Working / Worked

Definitely works. I have to make my priorities and stick to them and get them done!

Leave Working / Worked

Steve was the one to leave and get his own, small, one-room apartment. I gained and obtained the freedom that I never had. He had his freedom, too. We both realized that we love each other and want each other in our lives. We began to treat each other with kindness, caring and respect. The experience was horrific! However, the end result was success because Steve moved back in after a 7-month seperation. We both learned a great deal and who we want in our lives in a marriage.

Love Working / Worked

We love each other dearly. I truly love him in a special way, now, that we are seperated. Says he loves a lot and cares about me a lot.

Music Working / Worked

Music helps. But, it did not change our relationship. We did!

Pets Working / Worked

Our oldest daughter's dog lived with both of us when our daughter moved in with her now husband. Boo is wonderful and a fabulous companion. Husband and I love this dog and she loves us. The dog had nothing in relationship to our seperating.

Psychotherapy Working / Worked

Definitely. More than I every had any idea it would. The Lord gave us/me the best therapist in the world for me and guided her. I know that, now. Praise be to God.

Reading Working / Worked

I don't care to read much; just cannot concentrate on that at this point in time.

Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked

I felt my daughters were not supportive. I felt I had no friends to support me. DS was the life-saving support for me. I found out what true friends who truly care about others and can relate to their experience is what the value of a friendship is. I now have very good friends that I love dearly who live within a reasonable driving distance from me. Friends are the best.

Support Groups Working / Worked

Still trying desperately to find a good support group in my area. The one I went to was not appropriate nor beneficial to me. A true professional needs to head the group to some degree. I felt left out and not belonging as everyone was Catholic and I just didn't fit into a Catholic-based scene.

Talking Working / Worked

This worked when we got back together. However, I had to listen more and have Steve talk and express himself more without my interrupting him.

Time Too Soon to Tell

As time goes on (5 months since husband left the home to move into a one-room studio with bathroom), I do not need him and am more and more comfortable with self, him and others. Learning more and more as time goes on. Some set back which I believe is due to my not being in denial much anymore and the reality is hitting me smack in the face. Got through the worse of it for the time being. House is my home, now, and the way I would like it to be.