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beccyt 
4:21am, November 28, 2009
OK well this is my first journal entry - and I'm writing it because I'm in a bit of a sulk. I feel like the only child in the class not to get a party invitation, or the last one getting picked for rounders. I know I'm a grown-up but there you go.
I was diagnosed on 10 June 2009, and it's been a bit up and down since then. I'm still working out my boundaries, and I have good days and bad days. Anyway just recently I have come to the conclusion that even on a good day I have to watch it:: If I overdo it, I'll be wiped out for the two following days, and I'm due to start back at work tomorrow. This will be my third attempt to go back, and stay back --- even if it is only part-time to begin with. That's the background. Now here's the reason for the sulk..
I love the city in the summer. there's so much going on. I'm not averse to sun, sea and sand, don't get me wrong, I can holiday with the best of them --- but sometimes the city is just as good. You know what they say "tired of london, tired of life". Well yesterday they had the world free running championships in trafalgar square, where one of my most favourite buildings is - the sainsbury wing of the national gallery with its lovely restaurant, inspirational paintings, greys,and feeling of space. But getting there would have been 30 mins on a bus, and the crowds in the square, plus it was hot. I decided to be sensible andgive it a miss this time. Not forever mind, but this time.
Today again there is brilliant sunshine, and I so wanted to go to the London Mela at gunnersbury park. All the dlicious asian food, plus bollywod dancing classes, loud music and smiley people. My daughter asked me to go along with her and her friends (a compliment itself as any Mum of a teenaged daughter know) but truth be told, 75,000 people and possibly nowhere to sit, I know I'm not going to feel good, and with work tomorrow --- again I have to be sensible.
DRAT! I hate sensible. Sensible just is not me - but that's what recovery is all about with DVT/ PE and warfarin. Sensible, measured consistent, everything in moderattion - Yourgh! I completely understand - I'm not stupid - but DOOOOOH........!!! So I'm stuck here with the Sunday papers on the sofa, with a cup of tea. All my friends are off doing lovely things - London Mela, visiting Fulham Palace, on holiday in Italy, camping, weekend in Sailsibury, windsurfing in Pembrokeshire - the list goes on.
.I am lucky to be alive. I had virtally no symptoms apart from fainting, and then later feeling a bit breathless They told me in A&E that if I'd waited 20 minutes longer, I would not have made it. I am sooo grateful to be here, and to be a survivor --- and I know I'll get my life back eventually --- but I just want to live it . Today my adventure has been a solo trip to the card shop at the end of the road to et a card formy friend who's just got wed, followed by a cup of tea and a cake in the patisserie (until I felt well enough to make the journey backto my house).
And that's another thing, my friend is having a post-wedding party celebration next Friday in our home town in Wales. I'd love to go, but it means a 3 hour train trip, after five days at work in my first week back, a week which includes my first appt with a consultant at the respiratory clinic, my daughter's A level results, My daughter' genetic blood test results etc etc etc. Again I think it would be just too much. Maybe I'll get a DVD out instead...
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Comments
I rushed back to work, having had bowel cancer followed by multiple PE's both lungs, to be honest it wasn't until about a year to 14 months later that I was close to fully fit for work, by that time work were trying their best to manage me out. Not sure which legislation it is but you are allowed to have a return to work plan were you start back part time and build up to full time, based on my experience I would try 3 days for 2 weeks maybe even a month and them 4 days the next month then full time
markarina
Hi Beccy, just wanted to wish you good luck at work next week. Hopefully because you are taking it easy you will be fine. How about making plans for the weekend anyway and then see how you feel? Just make sure you pack the absolute minimum (less carrying) and try and go as direct as possible on the train. If you explain your situation to your friend I am sure she will find you a good bed close by so you can retire when you want and generally take good care of you. Otherwise, prepare the dvds and hope for rain :-D
Pippalippa
Now I fee bad for moaning Markarina - bowel cancer too! On top of everything else,and now you'res skiing down mountains. you're an inspiration man.
After a bit of a run-in with a very inexperienced HR person last time, I now have a plan (ish) in place - and the paperwork to back it up. The senior HR person is much more knowledgeable/ smpathetic - but I had been told that my team were a mess, I needed to step up to my responsibilities, I made bad decisions, my comunication was poor,I souls hve been rigig in every day even when in hospital, and I was lucky not to have lost my job - all this in a phone call in my second day back!
Truthfully that was complete tosh on all levels - my team have really stepped up to the plate at our busiest time of year, they rang me for advice when needed & also once a week even if nothing to report, a month before all this happened I had a thank you memo and unsolicited bonus for good service etc etc etc
Anyway I am now aiming for 3 to 4 hours a day, with regular review meetings toup hours and so on. No evening or weekend working till I am back to speed - I work in hospitality so lots of unsocial hours (think jennifer lopez in weddng planner, but much less good looking and no madonna headpiece).I've also asked for a memo or email to be sent to colleagues to explain this arrangement without gory detail. Plus relevant sick notes/ letters from my GP.
Did you manage to forestall them managing you out? I'm guessing yes - cos I saw a post that you'd got a new job.Well done you
beccyt
Thanks Pippalippa - maybe I will give that weekend in Wales more thought. Although can I persuade my teenager to come with me --- or can I trust her not to have a post levels house party....? I was young once, still am mentally on occasion too
beccyt
Haha, I say let your teenager party away while you are in Wales - as long as she stays safe and doesn't leave any evidence ;-)
Pippalippa
yeah I managed to hang on, in the end I had a plan to go skiing at the end of last year which is when I left the company so I left on my terms rather than theirs :-)
On a side note my wife works in HR at a fairly high level, so I can probably get you some free independent advice.
markarina
don't feel bad, I rushed back and paid the penalty, try and take your time, my doc's signed me off for a month after my PE's even though I was asymptomatic, mine were found during my first post chemo CT scan. my pulse ox was 100% on room air at the time.
markarina
Would the cat survive the trauma though Pippalippa?
Thank Markarin. I appreciate your advice - and your wife's too. I think it's a pretty clear case of bullying - but now I've had a chace to step back a bit, I can be the bigger person. Actually Ive only been in this job for 5 years, and this is awful but actually quite good as it turnsout --- I never got round to cancelling my union subscriptions from my last job. So I've dusted off my card and been on their website, plus they can give me free & confidential lega l advice without needing to actually get involved - unless I request it
beccyt