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About Me
Zengal
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About Me
I'm a 43 yr old mom of an amazing 9 yr old daughter who is the light of my life. I've been in a relationship with a wonderful, caring, understanding partner for 18 years and I'm lucky to have the family I do!
I'm a 43 yr old mom of an amazing 9 yr old daughter who is the light of my life. I've been in a relationship with a wonderful, caring, understanding partner for 18 years and I'm lucky to have the family I do!
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Interests
dogs, animals, reading, movies, outdoors, sunshine, ocean waves, smiling children, snowflakes...
dogs, animals, reading, movies, outdoors, sunshine, ocean waves, smiling children, snowflakes...
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Recent Activity
November 15
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Zengal commented on bobinmaine’s journal entry Thanks! 6:18pm
Bob, whatever your 3 prayers were that were answered, I have no doubt you deserved every single one of…
November 13
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Zengal gave schtic a hug 4:45pm
Schtic, I guess it's no sense in worrying about the future and wondering "if, when, why, how long".....etc.…
November 12
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Zengal gave bobinmaine a hug 3:28pm
Bob, We all get in a rut sometimes....it's hard but it's temporary. You've been doing such a great job…
November 9
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Journal
Zengal hasn’t written any journal entries yet. -
Hugbook
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Hug
Right on glad your feeling better! Please let me know what your dr says they all say something different mine says only people he had get sick was because they went to jail but I dunno I feel better when I go up I just no insurance and subutex is twice as much as suboxone:( feels better cleaner feeling but its less complex why is it twice as much? Its just buprenorphine with out the nalaxone and crappy orange flavor and the stuff that never dessolves , mine pretty much completely absorb's but a tiny ammount compared to the big orange stop signs but we still on same thing basically same ammount same issues I haven't met anyone that quite relates hope you get straightened out hunnie!
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How are you I saw a friend today he and his wife are 20 days off 1 mg sub and they say they still feel terrible I know they cheated some how much I don't know but I know that's draged it out I kinda suspect they been off sub that long but they haven't ever really got clean I hope for our sake that they are just coming off what ever they have cheated with and I don't really know what they have done people always tell you less ya know so one day I hOpe if not we get old and get regular meds and well lol we'll be old it will be ok
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I know what you mean my dr is , well you could find him easy on the net he's big advocate gives work shop to other dr's he tells me not to go up and down he said 6 to 8 was about normal longterm , I had friends on 2mg a day for couple years and liked it because you know the less you take supposedly the better you feel but they liked being on low dose because they could use when they wanted but their dr has forced them off after couple weeks now they say they are bettEr but they kept using oxy when they would start to get w/d so I think they made it worse but they said once you can get to 2 life is good but I'm with ya I just well I don't take it all at once I take a piece couple times maybe 3 times a day my dr said the pain killer effect was only 4 hours or so that's helped me get thru fixing my teeth I guess hard to tell when you can't feel it ya know but its good to know its not just me have you found yourself becoming sorta ocd? My friends and I have they worse than me but there's 2 of them lol but I'm wanting to see how they do dr says it can be used long term and the real physical pain I have is always gonna make me wanna use I kinda need some kinda help the sub helps but I try to stay as close to 6 as I can save little money but some days 4 is enuff but I think its the way it builds up in your system I think by going up and down its just our levels get up then they are up for a while and we drop least that's me and I'm ok then I slowly get light I guess w/d and I go up and I'm ok but I don't have insurance so I take as much as is enuff but I do try to start out with 4 then 2 later in the day that seems ok for me but shun sometimes I go down but I have to go up to feel normal I guess slow and staying at that level for a while is the way I have heard of people dissolving small ammounts in viles of water and using a eye dropper to take less than 1 mg and then coming off a half or so everyother day sounds like we are in it for the long haul sista good luck and good job staying on it period! ;)
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Oh dude I read your post I been on subutex after not liking how suboxone made me feel that aside I started at 20 2.5 years ago got down to 8mg a day then got to 4 but I stayed at 4 for months and felt the same way now I seem to only feel right if I take at least 5 or 6 mg if not 8 sometimes and I seem at lower than that probably what your describing I went from 12 to 4 and stayed at 4 for months but after a while I noticed I just couldn't go. I have friends that just came off it they text me for a week talking it sucked but they use oxy sometimes and did couple times coming off so I think they just drug out the w/d doing that but I swear I can't quite describe it but yeh my shoulder kills its I dunno have you been on it long ? I have just recently had my first sober birthday and the first sober 4th I used holidays to hang with the friends that partied and I would too but somehow this summer I came to being able to even go have fun without cheating and just staying on sub but everyone I know cheats more than me so I felt it was ok but it just made me wanna do it more though I would go back to sub before it came out so I wouldn't w/d but I feel ya
Hug
How did u get thru detox its so hard
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Prescription Drug Abuse
To get support from someone outside of my family and psychiatrist & not fight this difficult battle alone.
Treatments
- Residential Treatment Center Somewhat Helpful
- Went to inpatient treatment (30 days) in Jan. 2005, relapsed 6 mos. later. Used for 2 months then clean for 2 years and used for two more.
- Subutex Too Soon to Tell
- May 23, 2009 was my suboxone induction. I've since switched to Subutex due to some side effects that may or may not have been from the Suboxone.
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depressionto get support from others who struggle with depression like I do....
Treatments
- Effexor Working / Worked
- Currently taking 225mg daily and it's worked better than any of my other SSRI antidepressants
- Lexapro Somewhat Helpful
- Prozac Working / Worked
- My first SSRI, worked wonders as it was the 1st time I ever tried meds and felt as if my life might be somewhat "normal".
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Been seeing therapists off and on most of my life...I have a great one now.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- Of course it is wonderful to know those you love about care but this disease is so self absorbing, it's hard to step outside of myself.
- Trazodone Working / Worked
- use it for sleep when needed
- Wellbutrin Somewhat Helpful
- Used off and on, currently weaning off of 150mg.
Open Bipolar Disorder
to get and give support to others who share my struggles
Treatments
- Ativan Working / Worked
- worked amazingly until I used it every day for 6 years and was taken off of it in a 5 day period while at inpatient treatment for opiate abuse....worst, nightmarish withdrawls every!!! Now I use it as needed which is pretty seldom
- Depakote Somewhat Helpful
- gained weight and was tired ALL the time
- Lamictal Working / Worked
- working really well, I love this med compared to all of the others I've taken!
- Topamax Somewhat Helpful
- thought it worked ok until my Dr. started calling it "dopeamax" and "stupamax", makes you way loopy!
- Wellbutrin Somewhat Helpful
- currently weaning off of 150mg.
Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
to get help and share my experiences so I dont' feel so alone and hope I can help others to feel not so alone.
Treatments
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Working / Worked
- Effexor Working / Worked
- Currently taking 225mg daily and have taken it since 2005 after many tries with other SSRI drugs.
- EMDR Considering
- Planning on starting with my therapist....excited and scared.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- love my counselor.
- Reading Working / Worked
- I love good books on the subject of all of my mental illnesses!
- Talking Working / Worked
- always helps, if I can find the words to describe what I'm going through.
- Topamax Somewhat Helpful
- not very helpful wasn't on it long when I heard it could affect memory and brain function.
Open Panic Attacks
to listen, learn and hope to connect with other souls like myself who live in fear of....everything.
Treatments
- Ativan Working / Worked
- worked great but became addicted when I started using it daily instead of just for panic attacks. Now I take it sparingly
- Effexor Working / Worked
- working, taking 225mg per day for over 4 years now. Took prozac for 10+ years before.
- EMDR Considering
- will be starting with my therapist soon!@
- Klonopin Working / Worked
- As needed, helps with the panic & anxiety
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Have a great counselor
- Rescue Remedy Somewhat Helpful
- Not sure if it worked, I put it in my dog's water dish too!
- Trazodone Working / Worked
- use for sleeping when needed
- Xanax Not Working
- xanax, for whatever reason does not work for me, just puts me to sleep. I much prefer ativan or klonopin
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Groups
