CRISIS
July 25, 2009 8:26am
OK, it's critical for real now, not that it wasn't before. Something's changed. The tears have dried up, can't even cry …
Progress
5 %
zenmind 
10:00am, September 25, 2009
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About Me
zenmind
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About Me
I'm a retired nurse who hadn't planned on retiring so soon; I'm only 55 but have several chronic and debilitating illnesses. I lost both of my parents after living with them nearly all of my life, was especially devoted to them. I retired to Arizona to be close to my only child, my daughter, who has my only grandchild; I love both of them dearly. My parents raised me with a strong sense of family, education, religion, and community, which I try to pass on to my family.
I'm a retired nurse who hadn't planned on retiring so soon; I'm only 55 but have several chronic and debilitating illnesses. I lost both of my parents after living with them nearly all of my life, was especially devoted to them. I retired to Arizona to be close to my only child, my daughter, who has my only grandchild; I love both of them dearly. My parents raised me with a strong sense of family, education, religion, and community, which I try to pass on to my family.
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Interests
chess, puzzles (word, jigsaw, Sudoku), tennis, hiking, meditation, yoga, Buddhist philosophy, history, books of ALL kinds, movies, music (esp. rock, alt. rock)
chess, puzzles (word, jigsaw, Sudoku), tennis, hiking, meditation, yoga, Buddhist philosophy, history,
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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MY LIFE, MY PAIN
July 14, 2009 10:53am
As first entries go, I'm sure this one will be one that I'll look back on say, a year from now, and I'll be totally flabbergasted that I …
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Hugbook
Flower
Hi, Zenmind! Our friend in common, Cottonto (Olan) mentioned you were going through a tough time and that you might enjoy a little subgroup that we have.
He asked me to send the invitation but I can only invite friends. So sending along a friend request....you can always delete me later LOL!
Get Well Soon!
hope you feel well soon, hang in there and don't forget your friends. Olan
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Little Love
Keep in contact,
Little Love
looks like you could use a hug
Little Love
hi there! hope you are alright. i commented on your journal, and i hope i helped xxxx
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Photos
zenmind hasn’t uploaded any photos yet
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Support Groups
Close Agoraphobia & Social Anxiety
I have always had a degree of social anxiety, since childhood. I always called my a 'loner,' talked myself into believing that I preferred it that way. Now that I've retired, I've become agoraphobic; going to the mailbox is an adventure sometimes. I'm trying to change that.
Close Coronary Heart Disease
My first stent was in 2000; I did a cardiac rehab program at Duke that was helpful. Now in 2009, it's 5 stents and one myocardial infarction later.
Treatments
- Angioplasty Working / Worked
- I've had far too many angiograms, seven of which have been angioplasties, with and without stents placed. I have a total of five stents.
- Aspirin Working / Worked
- take enteric coated form daily
- Dietary Modification Working / Worked
- we try our best to limit fat and salt intake; hard to resist my butter, I'm afraid
- Imdur Working / Worked
- ordered, but cannot tolerate. do take another nitrate twice a day, Ranexa, which does not cause the severe headache that isosorbide gives me; takes care of my angina remarkably
- Lipitor Not Working
- prescribed but cannot tolerate, causes abdominal pain
- Plavix Working / Worked
- still taken daily, last stent 1/08
- Stents Working / Worked
- have had a total of 5 stents placed to my coronaries since 2000
- Meditation Working / Worked
- helps this Type A personality course in mindfulness meditation integrated into cardiac rehab program extremely helpful intro to further study
Open High Blood Pressure
I was diagnosed with hypertension at age 24 and have taken medication for it ever since. I am now 55, and I have chronic kidney disease and coronary artery disease, directly related to my hypertension.
Treatments
- Atenolol Working / Worked
- makes me feel weak and tired
- Avoid Certain Foods / Chemicals Working / Worked
- low sodium and low fat diet
- Lisinopril Working / Worked
- Procardia XL Working / Worked
- Meditation Working / Worked
- definitely helps
Open Sexual Abuse
Significant male others in my past have abused me sexually.
Treatments
- Leave Working / Worked
- I moved to a different state.
- Talking Not Working
- I have chosen to share with others in my family, with less than positive results. I shall soon start psychotherapy.
- \"The Courage To Heal\" Working / Worked
Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI think I've always 'seen through a glass darkly.' I was diagnosed with depression over 20 years ago; I've tried various antidepressants, along with psychotherapy in the past.
Treatments
- Desipramine Working / Worked
- took this years ago
- Effexor Working / Worked
- the last antidepressant I tried before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and placed on Abilify; thought it worked well at the time
- Meditation Working / Worked
- mindfulness meditation on a daily basis
- Positive Thinking Not Working
- I try but am pessimist at heart.
- Prozac Working / Worked
- took it for years, then 'burned out'
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- tried at various times in the past, once with same therapist for 2 yrs (longest time)
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- my mother (now deceased) was the best support system I ever had
- Writing Working / Worked
- always will keep a journal, helps me tremendously to sort out, identify my emotions and thoughts I toy with the idea of writing a book, fiction, one day.
Open Bipolar Disorder
I was diagnosed in 1/08 with bipolar disease after a suicide attempt.
Treatments
- Abilify Too Soon to Tell
- I'm about to take my first dose. (I did try it last year for awhile, but I stopped taking it, wasn't sure about the dx.)
Open Senior Dating & Sexuality
I've decided to try to become social again, try dating again. I'm 55.
Open Cocaine Addiction & Recovery
Treatments
- Narcotics Anonymous (NA) Working / Worked
- I loved going to NA! I credit them with saving my life. I stayed clean from all mind-altering substances for 7 years, but started back smoking pot when my partner started bringing in the house. My marijuana is medicinal; I have chronic pain and go to a pain management center.
- Residential Treatment Center Working / Worked
- I lived in a sober living home for about six months after a 30-day rehab. Though I had to leave my daughter with my mother for care, and I think she never forgave me, I don't think i could have stayed clean at all without this experience. The outpatient substance abuse treatment program and psychotherapy that accompanied this stay were integral parts of this experience also.
Open Chronic Pain
I go to a pain management group for treatment of several disorders that cause me chronic pain.
Treatments
- Acupressure Somewhat Helpful
- This can be a temporary mechanism that works on occasion, though most of my muscles are resistant to any benefit.
- Chiropractic Adjustment Working / Worked
- only tried it once, didn't really seem to help be nice if insurance providers considered it
- Heat Not Working
- This used to work in the past.
- Marijuana Working / Worked
- This helps my pain, but with I have to be careful. I love this drug too much, sends me to la-la land too much.
- Meditation Working / Worked
- Meditation is good for the soul, good for whatever ails ya, especially mindfulness meditation.
- Morphine Not Working
- I used to use morphine, was terribly constipating.
- Nerve Blocks Somewhat Helpful
- Getting these in the thoracic area is interesting, not very helpful anyhow. The spurs on my spine make it so tortuous to reach these areas, too difficult for the doctor to reach anyhow.
- Oxycodone Working / Worked
- I don't like the sedating effects, but it's helpful to a point. Then your dose has to be increased due to tolerance. Must take preparations without acetaminophen due to CKD.
- Physical Therapy Not Working
- never did work, except after surgeries I've had on my knees, shoulders, hands, and hip
- TENS Somewhat Helpful
- I've used this in physical therapy in the past, think I could get addicted to it even. Helps some.
- Duragesic Patch Working / Worked
- This has been a wonder drug for me controlling my pain quite effectively though Ive had to have a recent increase in dosage and I only change the patch every three days. But I MUST keep it on during that time. It fell off once and the withdrawal was absolutely horrific! In Arizona that can be an issue.
