bremcac's Journal

I am so physically tired this week.  I have been having trouble staying awake for more than a few hours at a time.  I didn't even have strength to shower!  How pathetic is that.....Not having alot of pain with it, so that is a small blessing.  But need a break..can't even play on my new laptop for very long before my eyes just start closing.  I need to find the super glue and glue the lids open so I can get something done.  My concentration is about 2 minutes at tops. 

All mail for the past 2 weeks to my daughter has been returned.  "no longer at this address".  That can mean only one thing.  She has been transfered to prison.  I don't know which one or if I will hear from her.  She had a small manic stage and decided I was over analysing things.  Mostly she has made up with her father and she knows how to pull his strings in her direction.  I won't budge.  So I will cross my fingers but not hold my breath.  I sure do miss getting her letters.

Well my daughter is about to be the big 13.  I really think that my heart still breaks for my oldest daughter.  I tried reaching out to her on Facebook.  Told her about her little sister being 13.  About my illness, in small detail.  How I was working with Lisa and wishing her well.  The next day I got this awful, mean, deliberately hateful response about how Lisa & I ruined her life, I was only writing because I wanted her in my life but I was to stupid to ask.  How her sister is a loser and will always be an addict.  But most of all, To leave her the F%$# alone and don't ever contact her again......I wrote back....."thanks for the update,,,,,I won't be contacting you again.

2 days later I get a letter about how I caught "her" on a bad day.  "She" was diagnosed with mania, bipolar II (duh, what was your first clue?).  How her sister nearly destroyed her.....took her money, phone, car.....it just went on.  Well I was talking to Lisa during that time, and it was alot more her own fault than her sisters.  I explained to her that she plays a role in everything that happens in her life.  Lisa is an addict, she is  ill, she needs help.  And I find every letter she writes me to be "all" about "herself".  Not once did she mention Katy or Cody.  Not once did she ask about my illness.  It is always "poor me, poor, poor me......"  She did mention how she didn't like the meds they put her on so she wont take them.  But she wants to get into Psych in college because she loves it....(????  what the ????).  So I told her I would not be talked to like she had talked to me and that if she chose to get help and work on herself then she can contact me.  Right now I was not available.  Then I blocked her.  Bet she hated that!  But at least I can sleep at night without all the drama!  Okay, tired.....lol