cinaflower's Journal

I ran into a friend at my son's football game. She's really athletic, ballsy, loud- some might say obnoxious- but being a wallflower I admire her moxie. She kept pushing me on my arm and making me give her a high five during the game. Finally, I told her my arm hurt and to stop touching it. She said, "What the hells wrong with you?" in a half joking way- I told her about my fibromyalgia- and she said, "Well, I wouldn't believe a damn word those doctors told you, you haven't been right since they made you have a hysterectomy- I don't care what kind of flyingflamingo (or something like that because she couldn't remember fibromyalgia) disease you have. I'm not going to take any excuses- you need to run- remember when you used to run, remember how foxy you were? You were damn sexy, I mean it- you need to get in shape- stop making excuses and just do it." And I thought back to the me that used to run, I thought back to how I felt when I ran- every time I went a little bit farther, I felt so proud of myself. She said, "I used to run, I couldn't run now- if you like it- not many people can say that- you should just run." Her comments fired me up- and then I began making excuses in my head immediately.

She's right, though. I need to stop sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to hurt no matter what I do- if I take all the meds the doctors tell me, if I read 10 books and try all the exercises and diet things I see specifically for fibro or IBS- it's not somethig I can solve- there isn't a cure. I could take 20 supplements a day- but basically I'll be the same- but being in shape, being foxy, being sexy and hurting would be so much more fabulous than being fat, pitiful, depressed and hurting. AND I  KNOW that if I lost weight my energy and days I feel good would be more than they are now- I know because when I did it before- when I stopped eating carbs and exercised regularly I was a new person inside and out. What do I have to lose really? (except weight???)

We were watching some old DVDs earlier- when I was this size three years ago- I asked the H- am I that wide now? I looked so freaking huge, this one shot i was sitting on the bed eating something while watching tv in my room- I was so big, I nearly cried- but then I realized I was that size now- and then I got mad- except now I have more rolls- and then we watched a year later when I was about 40 pounds less- so much cuter, jeez!I was cuter and I was lighter and I felt so much better about myself- and I can do that again- the process, the planning, the not eating carbs, the exercising- it didn't kill me- it was good for me, it felt good- I can do it again.