cinaflower's Journal

Most of my students are on a field trip today and one is absent, so I've had the most relaxing lazy day at work. I probably should get ahead and plan all kinds of stuff, but that would make too much sense.

I got in from my dad's at 9pm last night. I really am tired and feeling out of sorts from the long drive and change in schedules/routines. I stopped along the way to have dinner with my mom and she was dying to take me shopping because she wanted to get me some new pots and pans for my birthday.

When we were waiting for our house to be built (the one we lost) we put all of our stuff in a friend's building that was vacant. Well, I ended up losing all the lids to my pots and pans and a bunch of dishes and all kinds of stuff somehow in that move. So, I've been using pots with no lids for 6 years! Everytime she comes to visit she freaks out about my not having lids. I bought some generic ones to fit most pots and I just don't think about it. I have what I need. So, we did go shopping. I got some new cookie sheets, a new skillet, and some cute bowls and she's going to keep looking for some pots. Then she slipped me a 100$ bill- I'll never get too old to not like that!!! I think she just wanted to do some normal mother/daughter stuff together and to take care of me a little. We really don't get to spend enough time together, but she makes it hard sometimes. That's another story for another day.

I went off last night with the husband telling him how much I think we've let the kids get away with stuff and that they are seriously lacking in discipline, structure, and manners. I was aggravated, we talked about it again this morning, and we're going to work on it. I have good kids, don't get me wrong. They are generally smart, well behaved, polite, creative, funny, wonderful to be around- but when it comes to manners or doing what I say when I say it, being organized, being driven, having natural movtivation- they are lacking.

It takes me forever to get them to do what I want around the house- it wastes my time. They don't worry about consequences if they let a curse word slip or do something stupid- they're never punished, because the h doesn't really think they need it. My h has not been supportive of that kind of thing. Last night he said he didn't know how to do it- this morning he said that I could do whatever I wanted- and I said that's the point- WE have to do it together for it to hold any weight. So, I'm getting it together, making a plan about how it'll work- rewards and consequences, and figuring out what to do- some concrete direction- and he said he'd do whatever I said. I hope so.

The reason I started thinking about it was because my dad and step mom feel like my kids don't have enough responsibility, that they need to do more around the house and have better manners and that kind of thing, and my step mom said something that really ticked me off.

I was talking about this book I was reading about getting the house and stuff organized- about having a system. I said that I have trouble staying focused long enough to get things done, I'll wander from room to room- and then I also get interrupted a lot by the kids or husband. So, she says, "You can always make excuses." or something like that- basically that it's my fault and I need to suck it up. First of all, although she is very ambitious, organized and their house is always neat- my house is just as clean as hers- and I know what to do in general and it usually is done- I just complain a lot because I always feel overwhelmed. Plus, she's almost always had a maid. So, I realized I need to stop complaining about the house and just do what I have to do. That's also in the book I'm reading. No one likes a martyr, and it doesn't help anything if you continually act like one. I need to accept what is and control what I can control, and do what I have to do, that's it. I can't change my circumstances. It is what it is.

I can be clear about what I want from my family, though. I can find the right ways to go about getting things done. It all starts with me. I have to have the energy and the drive and be purposeful about what I have to do. I can't blame anyone but myself for what is undone whether I do it or tell someone to do it.

I better go get busy and utilize my time without kids today!!!