cinaflower's Journal

This is week 3 of my new lifestyle. Eating better, exercising, being kind to myself. I'm excellent. I've lost 6 pounds so far, and even though it's not really showing in how my clothes fit, I feel like I look firmer and fitter and my stomach is smaller. It really does take patience, because I could give up now thinking it's not going to work, thinking I'm not working hard enough or some self-defeating behavior of some sort- but I have to work past this. I read some success stories and most of the people didn't feel like they really could see results for nearly a month. Whether I lose a ton of weight or not, I feel better about myself when I take care of myself, when I exercise. It immediately picks me up and sets me straight!Sometimes I can't believe how unfit I am! My feet hurt, my knee hurts, sometimes I feel like I'm being pushed into the ground by the hand of god, I'm heavy- not that flexible and this belly gets in the way. But some days I feel light and fabulous- I think it's more mental than physical.

The rest of my life is just chugging along. There are days when I just don't know how to take care of everything. Trying to solve problems, trying to change, trying to do things with the house and kids with the support of my h is almost intolerable. He can be so difficult to deal with. He doesn't see it. He's a cheerful laid back guy in general, but he has a lot of excuses for everything, why he CAN'T do what needs to be done. He has no confidence and that really wears me out some times. He makes lots of remarks, stupid jokes, and just asinine things that tick me off- but if I confront him about it he says he's just joking and I need to chill out. I have a great sense of humor, how in the heck does he think I've managed to stay with him so long, if I didn't ? LOL!!!!! It's that his jokes, his comments, his self deprecating humor at times makes him sound like a loser and an idiot. I hate to say it that way, but it's true, if other people are around I'm embarrassed for him. For example, he was at the dentist with one child and I brought the other to him and he says real loud so all the people in there are included in the conversation, "How'd you find me, was it the bald head?" And I'm like, you moron. I wish I could let it go and just laugh it off, but it's because it represents what I don't like about him that I get ticked, I guess. I'm going on and on about it- but in the big scheme of things, I can deal with it and it's not a big deal, just annoying. I suppose it's impossible to be married for this long and not be annoyed by something!

Okay, I'm at work, it's lunch time and the kids will be coming back any second.

I hope everyone here is doing okay, I don't have much time to get on, because I log all of my exercise and food on sparkpeople, and that uses up a lot of free time!

No matter what, I take it one moment at a time, trying to find the joy and peace where and whenever I can!!!