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cinaflower
Female, 40, LA
"hopeful"
12:00pm, November 15, 2009
Journal Entry for January 3, 2009 Mood
Saturday, January 3, 2009
I hope the computer will act right and save this after I spend my rare free time typing this!!! So, this is 2009. Great. Nice. Same old stuff, really, but hopefully a new attititude. I've been aggravated with the H, I wish I could stop that and just be and relax and enjoy my life. It's not that he's not doing things that are worth getting ticked over- some ladies wouldn't have put up with the crap I have all these years already- but there's not a whole lot of change that's going to happen, some of it I just have to deal with and let go of. I know for sure that part of discontent lies within myself and really isn't about him. If I was exercising and eating right and being productive around the house I would feel good and I wouldn't give a flying fig about what he's doing, I'd be in a good mood regardless. So, it's my fault for letting myself get all jabba the hut over the last year. I literally cannot bend over- there is almost not a waist, like a freaking marshmallow. Try to bend one of those big ones in half- LOL! I actually make noises when I move around, hummph, umph, ugh, oogha, uuhh, ohhhhh. If I got any bigger I'd explode. LOL- it's really not funny. I gotta laugh about something, right? I'm ready to start taking care of myself. I will walk today. That's all I need to do, just walk. I have no excuses, I have a treadmill. I have weights, I have videos, I have a strength training plan. I have a good diet I can stick to, if I finish reading the stinking book- that I happen to be procrastinating on. I have the support of my family. My kids are big- they don't need me all the time, I have time. My house doesn't need to be perfect, that's impossible anyway. This year is my year- my 40th year- and I'm going to take care of myself this year. Time to be a little selfish for once.
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Comments

  1. kweeks2006

    It sounds like you ned to take care of yourself and make yourself proud and happy. Happiness is within, from what you describe with not being able to bend over making noises, you really don't like yourself much. I am a woman and I understand the weight thing. I have been a size 4, 7, 10, 11 and 13. I am a size 7 now and even when I was tiny I still wasen't good enough. I love myself now and I am what I am. I need to tone, I talk about it but yet I do nothing about it. You have the time be selfish and work on you. You deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!


    kweeks2006

  2. sweetcyndi

    :) I know you can do it!


    sweetcyndi

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