cinaflower's Journal

The older you get the more it seems time is flying by, the more you feel like you could have some do overs, another chance to get it all right. The moment you're in now is that chance- but it's hard to stay that aware- to live knowing that every moment is your opportunity to be who you want to be. It's so hard, though! This last year went so fast! It's nearly 2009, and I'll be 40 @#$# years old this year!

I am getting pumped up, ready to get it right, ready to get fit and healthy, ready to conquer my fears, ready to have fun. You can't wait for the right moment to get your crap together, that never comes.

I'm reading the flat belly diet right now, convinced it's the ticket of the moment, that combined with the principles in the book Younger Next Year I should be a fit and fine mamma jamma by next year. haha! But it's all about eating less and moving more when you get right down to it, about taking care of yourself, and putting yourself first. I know I can do it, I've done it before and I should be able to do this time. My kids are older and don't need as much from me, my marriage isn't imploding, work is okay, and all my girl parts are gone- so they won't be bothering me. I don't have any good excuses not to do what's right for myself.

 The husband wants to get together and make some resolutions for us as a couple, for our family. It's a lovely gesture, and I hope he means it. He's still frustrating me to no end when I want to make changes or do something at home differently. He's so blah and tired and has a million excuses. I'm trying to accept that if any real lasting change is to happen to our family or household that I have to be the facilitator and the manager because I can't count on him. Sometimes just functioning is all he can handle some days and I have to deal with that, or I could leave and that's just not necessary now. There's a lot of good things about us, some days it's harder to remember those things than others, but it's worth the craziness to keep our family together.

I won't make any real resolutions right now. I'm just going to try to be healthier for now. I will make some short term goals later when I figure out what I'm doing. I have to finish reading these books first!

Everyone here is facing some sort of challenge and I hope that this next year is the year we find a way to overcome or make peace with whatever it is!