cinaflower's Journal

The weather here has been heavenly, maybe a tad too cold- but then that just makes you want to snuggle with someone- which isn't bad. The last couple of years we've actually had a fall and a spring- maybe we'll have a real winter too. The first year we were in our new house we had built, it snowed on Christmas eve- I had to get the kids out of bed to go look- and there was enough on the ground in the morning to have a snowball fight. I still miss that house like someone died. I try not to think about it, but it's part of me. It was my dream and now someone else is living in it. I hope one day I can build my dream house again or remodel an old house to make it my dream house. I like being in town but I miss being out in the country- so quiet, you can see the stars, no people walking in front of my house, and the sunsets were awesome. I like the house I'm in now- it's charming and comfortable but there's something about it that doesn't make me feel at home- maybe it's the rats or the raccoons, or the rif-raff next door that plays music too loud or having my bike stolen, whatever- this house has been difficult to be in. I think the house is part of the reason I feel so stuck sometimes, feel so ovewhelmed- there's so much to do that I can't stand it so I do nothing. There's no way I can make anything like I want- it's old and it will always be imperfect. I want things to be right- want them a certain way- and that attitude has not helped me much in this life- I'm trying to accept the imperfect, but it's a daily battle.
We have four more days until we're out of this school and until Thanksgiving break. We're expected to use some of our break to unpack our rooms- they want them to be perfect by December 1st. I'm going to try. My room is so packed up I hope nothing comes up for me to have to do- I packed all the paperwork already and the people helping me, the paras- we all forgot to label what was in the boxes! They all have to be unpacked-by Sunday so what's the point?
I will use my spare time today trying to get organized in my life- I need to do so much and every night when I get in bed I think, ugh, I was supposed to ... today! I need to write it all down.
I am going to relax and enjoy this beautiful day. I can only do what I can do and no more. There's only this moment.