cinaflower's Journal

My font things aren't coming up, I wonder why. I like to pick the font and color to match my mood!!!
I had a very good Sunday. I got a lot done and was very productive, and then today was non stop too until now. My husband is passed out on the couch, big suprise- and the 10 year old is in the bed in his spot asking when I'm coming to bed. Soon!!!
The husband has been acting really wierd and I'm trying to just blow it off- but it gets worse when I ignore it- not better. He's getting distant and grumpy again and even on our date he wasn't really that friendly or cheerful. And he decided to take this week off because he hadn't taken enough vacation days this year- and he didn't even tell me until last night- after all the time we spent together. When we start feeling less than close all I can think about is negatives and it gets more as time passes and nothing positive passes between us. I try so hard to stay positive but it's really hard. I'll start thinking about the bad decisions he's made that really have affected our lives in major negative ways- and he has a hard time acting right when he feels like he's in the doghouse. This is the kind of stuff I wish our counseling would address- how to keep good feelings going- how to forgive each other for the past and move on- how to feel good even when the other one is being a butthead.
One of the things that really bothers me sometimes is when I feel really good about myself or my life he is in a funk and I can't share it with him because he's not in the mood. He takes the spunk out of me so much, the wind out of my sails, the skip in my step. Isn't it supposed to be the opposite? I feel like all the cool and cute things about me are appreciated by everyone but him and I want him to notice me, to approve, to say I did a great job, to tell me how awesome I am- or how awesome he thinks I am- and he doesn't. I think sometimes when he feels it- he ends up saying something so stupid I can only get mad- like he's purposely trying to push me away. But that's when I'm feeling good- otherwise I think it's my fault- that there's something wrong with me.
One of my closest friends has been depressed lately and I don't know what to do. He's on meds already- but he needs therapy and won't go. I try to cheer him up but I can only do so much- he's an older gay guy who had a bad break up this last year and also lost him disabled brother he helped take care of and I just can't pull him out of his funk- I have enough to deal with, but I want him to feel better- he's such a wonderful guy, I feel so bad for him.
Despite everything I'm feeling much better about myself, about being able to function- I'm overwhelmed but cheerful and optimistic.