cinaflower's Journal

Oh lordy! Finally, I have a little break. I'm at work. There was a fire safety program and then the fireman had to leave because there was an accident so we've been going back and forth and I've only had a minute to breathe- and finally, they're gone now. I hope they'll stay with their classes until after lunch. I really have a good bunch of kids this year but I'm toasted anyway. My life is unorganized so I always feel like I need a break- right now I need one that lasts at least a week if not more to catch up on everything in my life- to feel sane. When I was home Tuesday the day flew by, I barely got anything done- especially with the 2pm doctor's appointment. He needs to get a stool sample to the lab- yuck yuck yuck- and after that the doc will see what to do (we keep forgetting to do it)- he said to try to find a pediatric gastrointerologist- my step mom works with two of them on the hospital board so I hope she can hook us up. The other son went to the orthopedist and he was a great guy- loud and funny and full of energy. He said that my son was basically double jointed everywhere and because of that his joints were going to pop and move and his knee caps move all over, and that's going to stress them and hurt- but nothing was broken or messed up- and there's really nothing we can do about it except give him extra support- so he got two wrist braces and he's going to get orthodics because he's also flat footed. So, they're okay. Now I have to work on the daughter and her craziness. That's a full time job all by itself. She came out of the womb being difficult and moody and hard headed and thinking she knows it all. We've been fighting for 20 years!!!

Okay, maybe some of that time we weren't fighting. We used to be so close but she's been pushing me away for almost 10 years, and I've let her push me because it was so hard to deal with on top of the rest of my crazy life. I will fix it somehow.

The husband and I are okay. He's been very distracted because they lost that game in two overtimes and all he does is think about it- and football- and money and our lack of money. I just let him be. I'm suprised how calm and okay I am with it. I can do my own thing and I'm fine, not resentful at all. He said something to me the other day that pushed my buttons- I don't even remember what it was- but I told him about himself and told him not to handle me that way and I was mad- but I said how I felt and I was fine 5 minutes later. I'm learning how to speak my mind and let go. I wish it wouldn't have taken almost 40 years- but I am growing!!!

I exercised yesterday but I skipped Monday-Wednesday and I ate HORRIBLE all week. I got the kids some chocolate- snack sized stuff- and some dark chocolate m&ms and I've been eating it like crazy. I actually started feeling sick when I ate it yesterday- just felt gross. I had a nice salad for supper and some steamed cauliflower that was so good. I know I just need to plan my life better- what to eat, when to exercise- this week I've been just doing whatever and it's not working out so hot. I need more structure or I don't do the right thing.

I am insanely glad it's Friday and I'm going to get myself together this weekend. We only have one football game and no major commotion- no one is going anywhere and no one is coming over. Watch my mom call today and say she's coming. That would just be FABULOUS, not.

I better go and eat lunch. I have a lot to do today and I'm just writing away....