cinaflower's Journal

Hooray for Sunday!!!!

I am doing MUCH better now. Friday night I had a talk with the husband about how I was feeling and it was fairly productive. He came and sat by me on the bed and put his head on my shoulder and was very sweet and we talked about the logistics of staying connected. He said he didn't know if he had the energy to be so attentive. I asked if hugging me or talking to me or listening to me for 5 minutes a day wasn't doable? He agreed to try. I said he needed to address his lack of energy for himself, to enjoy his life. He was emphatic about not being depressed. He went to a football game with the boys and I went to eat and drink with my best gay pal and we had a great time and blew off some steam. It was great fun. My friend says he'll take me dancing at some gay club sometime and he'll dance with me because I said I've just been dying to go dancing somewhere- just to LET GO and act crazy a little for once. I would take the husband but those guys would be all over him.

Yesterday, we took the boys to their Grandma's and we went out. I bought a new pink bike, it's so pretty (my other one had been stolen). We also we shopping and I got two bras, a pair of brown pants, a lovely cream colored top, a cute dress, and 5 pairs of cute undies all on sale. When we got to the mall I told the husband- do me a favor and go get yourself some cute jeans. He wears jeans until they're stained and falling apart- so he went to gap and he also got suckered in by some lady to buy this 24 karat gold skin system thing- he's convinced it was a great idea so I'm not saying anything. Then we went to eat and we went to pet smart for crickets for the lizard (I don't like lizards, it's my son's). Then we went to a movie- My Best Friend's Girl- it wasn't the greatest movie but it was hilarious. We had so much FUN!!! He was so attentive and sweet and THERE in mind body and spirit and we had the BEST sex, I have to say, when we got home. So, of course, now I'm perfectly happy and satisfied and in heaven. Hopefully, we can keep it going a little and not end up "bankrupt" again.

We are capable of having really great times together, we can be so good together- that's how I know we should stay together. There are things about us- things that only WE get about life and our philosophies and ideals that would be so hard to find in another person. I have to speak up when he's retreating, and I need to find some reserves inside of my to extend kindness and compassion to pull him out of his funk. He and I have to learn how to still be good to each other and be there for each other even when we don't feel that great, when we're stressed and tired and overwhelmed- we have to lean on each other instead of feeling separated from each other. And we haven't figured it all out yet, but I think we're getting there and I'm much more appreciative and feeling so much better about our relationship now. We need to keep it going now- by being kind and loving and nice to each other, by listening and talking and by also minding our own business and not taking things personally and by taking care of ourselves.

We're about to go for a walk and I want to go for a bike ride when the boys get home later. I have tons to do in the house and I better get started.