cinaflower's Journal

I can't get into my journal the normal way, I wonder why! Maybe I've reached my quota of journal entries. I've been on ds for over a year now and have written nearly every day! Sometimes I think I need to quit ds because I'm addicted to it, that I need to move on- I joined because I thought I was surely headed toward separation or divorce and I needed something to help me deal with the intensity of hopelessness I felt, jeez that sucked! and I did make it alright, I'm still married, how happily is another question, but it's not unbearable and I can concentrate more on myself now and not wondering what if all the time. Now I know it doesn't matter what if- because I can handle whatever the outcome ends up to be. And I certainly worked through a lot of stuff on here just from writing it out.  I check in or write almost every day a little bit. If I spent that time doing something productive like strength training or exercising or cleaning maybe I wouldn't get so stressed out! It's my time for me though, and I enjoy the friends I've made and I have learned a lot from all of the people here.

I brought my son to orientation for summer school this morning, took the boys to the Waffle House for breakfast, and then picked up my friend to go for  a walk in the park and the boys rode their bikes. Even with my hurt ankle I can walk just fine. It's sore but it's fine. She's slower and shorter so that makes me not push myself too much which was good. It was my first official exercising since my last surgery and ankle injury- I've been active and done lots of yard work and walking for shopping or whatever- but now I know I can walk a couple of miles and be okay and that's very reassuring.

I worked in the yard more yesterday and did a lot of repotting of plants. I just love making progress and getting stuff done! Today I'm going to put on my itunes and do as many loads of laundry as I humanly can. Two more days and I'll be on the road to LA! I'm excited, nervous, and apprehensive all at the same time. I just filled up my car and it was 68 dollars. That's a nice outfit, shoes, a nice purse, almost a haircut and highlight, groceries, all kinds of stuff- but it's going to pay for gas. That sucks.

I bought a new washer and a little fridge to go in the laundry room yesterday at Conn's. It's 36$ a month for both- but hopefully we'll pay big chunks out and get it paid off early. I can't get it delivered until next Tuesday so today I also have to kind of clear out the laundry room and clean it up.

The h and I are okay. It's nice, nothing great- but good enough, he's trying very hard to be not so stressed out and unpleasant and he's trying hard to be sweet and give me a kiss once in a while and stuff like that. I can see that he's not losing himself in his own problems- he is thinking about me- thinking about how he's reacting to things, thinking about how I feel or how things affect me and that's a very nice change. I hope he can keep it up and that we can continue being nice to each other.

I'm going to relax today and tomorrow. I'm walking again with my friend tomorrow, and I've got to pack for the trip and get ready. I hope I can lose some weight! I am going to the beach mid July and I don't want to look like a beached whale! I know I can do it!!!!!