sperry76's Journal

    This morning I woke up feeling very bad, my body just hurt from head to toe and I have an upset stomach. I had kinda rough night last night, it started out ok. I don't know I'm just confused and frustrated I guess dealing with the MS chronic pain every day and taking my pain meds & other meds I have to take on a daily basis. Maybe it's just nerves, stress or maybe unanswered questions, not knowing sometimes what my future holds for me in all aspects such as my future with MS, my future with my sweetheart, which I know he loves me with all his heart because he shows it every day, but he holds back what he's scared of..like me getting pregnant again after my miscarriage. We were shocked at 1st of course..then he started coming around getting used to the idea of maybe having a little girl. I have a small opening in 1 of my tubes from my tubal over 8 yrs. ago. It has kinda took a small toll on our intamacy (of course he apologizes for all of it), but at the same time I understand because his only child is almost grown and he's scared to start over. That's ok with me if he doesn't want another, but it hurts at the same time..dunno I can't put it into words right now how to explain it to others.

     I put my self back on the pill, but my OB/GYN says I can only stay on it for 6 months since it's dangerous for a woman in her 30's to be on the pill. Also considering I smoke and my MS she said. So what happens then when I can't take it anymore. I know he won't stop loving me, he's always going out of his showing me, telling, rubbing me down when my body hurts so badly and he's always puts my considerations 1st and taking care of me especially after all the surgeries that I've had in the past few months. He is a gift from God after my late husband passed away last year.

    I know God works in mysterious ways and I believe somewhat we can't always control our future. I believe that God decides who comes in & out of our lives and what we are destined to do, to be, our soul mate if God blesses us to find our true soul mate. I've known that he's my soul mate for awhile, it's just something I know. I don't know if others can feel or just know things. Ever since I was little I would get these feelings that I just know what will happen and looking into peoples eyes and just knowing what kind of person they are, how they're feeling or what's on their mind. I always watch & make good eye contact when I'm listening or talking because I believe the eyes are the windows to the soul. You look deep enough you can see everything, maybe not everything at first but you'll see what's on their mind and feel what they're feeling soon enough. You'll be able to see it in their eyes & feel it in your heart.

     Well I guess I've done enough rambling for today. I hope everyone has a great day!