Journal

I made it up to Day 12 of my first goal of 14 days of no gambling, and I relapsed.  I tried $30 in the slot machine after work.  So I decided to start over on the goal.  So I am now on Day 6 of no gambling.

This weekend, after the baby was asleep, I had the strong urge to go to the casino.  I even asked my niece if she would want to stay with the baby.  Luckily she was already out with friends, there went my chance.

It does feel good to have money and be accountable.  At the same time, I find myself white-knuckling it.  The downtimes are hard.  That's when the urges really kick-in.

I am hoping to go to the States this coming weekend.  I will really need to hang on to my money if everything works out.

I still log into websites and read posts.  I use them as reminders on where I don't want to go.

Thanks for reading.

Today is now Day 10 of No Gambling.  I find that weekends are hard.  The urge to go to the casino once baby is asleep for the night is strong, with my partner at home with her of course.  Luckily he has been busy working so there is no choice but to stay home with her.  I received my income tax refund on Thursday and that was such a huge relief. I was able to pay a couple of bills and stock up on groceries.  I still have over $200 in my bank account and I have often thought of trying "only $20" in the slot machines whenever I can sneak away.  But I know that if I don't win, I get angry and would keep trying until something comes.  I could end up spending the rest of my money for that to happen.

I pray that I can continue to stay away from gambling.  People are right in saying that the first while is tough.