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  DianneE (07/04/09)

  Hi Haddanuff...saw your comment on the discussion...you were talking about your gambling seeming like a parasite. I thought I would share how I see it myself...I copied my journal from Mar 08, when I was just starting in my recovery journey:
  
  The Monster in the Cage
  Wednesday, March 19, 2008
  Addiction is a monster with a ravenous appetite. I live with this monster. In the beginning, it was just a baby monster, and only nipped at me a little. I thought it was fun to play with, and I ignored the scratches I walked away with afterward....Then it started taking bites out of my flesh, bigger and bigger bites. Finally, I realized that it would eventually consume me if I did not do something. So....with much effort, I put the monster in a cage. At first, when I walked by the cage, the monster screamed and clawed through the bars, demanding to be released, demanding another bite of me.....so I learned to stay farther from the bars and plug my ears to the monster's demands. The monster has grown quieter and quieter, weaker and weaker. What if I open the door of the cage to see if the monster has changed its ways???? If I ever open the door again, the monster will spring up and devour me with all the hunger of its long fast......
  
  I can tell you that after 18 months gamble-free....life is so much better! I go weeks to months now without an urge, and that is fantastic. You can recover as well...but you must realize once you start, you can't control it! The key is accepting that...and the other key is just not gambling TODAY. In the beginning, I could not even think about never gambling again...but I could not gamble for one day....and here I am, 18 months later!
  
  Wishing you courage, hope, and strength on your journey. Life can get much much better....Recovery is definitely possible!