Journal

So Tired

Can not sleep

Final answer

Out of reach

Scared of darkness

Too tired to care

Monsters lurking everywhere

Life is passing

Can not wake

My life is not

Yours to take

I am so tired (no pun intended) of not knowing what is wrong with me. For years I have felt like this is all just something in my head...I must be lazy, have poos sleeping habits, crazy to think that I am "seeing things" while falling asleep. I thought that sleep paralysis was normal, just a weird quirk that everyone experiences...

This has had a horrible effect on my relationships and my day to day life. My parents frequently described me as "lazy" my mom use to yell at me to wake up, send my little brother in to jump on my bed etc. It has caused several fights between my boyfriend and I. He has said that he loves me but that my "sleeping habits are having a devistating effect on our relationship." And it has. He is up every morning by 6 and then goes to bed by 10 or 11. While I have trouble falling asleep at night and sleep most of the day away. I feel as though I am sleeping my life away but am unable to do anything about it....

Since I have been in college I have had to strategically plan my classes so that I did not have to get up as early or so that I could take naps during the day....

I am an education major and I worry that I am never going to be able to teach...I do not have the energy. My grades are already suffering becuase of it and that has always been something that I pride myself on....am I going to be able to teach???

I need an answer!! I can't wait to go to this sleep study...I am looking forward to it becuase I am hoping that this is going to be the answer to my problems. However, I can't help but fear that I am being far too optomistic...