Alliejames's Journal

One part of my fear is "getting it wrong and going to hell". The flip side of this fear is being lied to about spiritual things.

I fear that I've become so paranoid that I don't trust anyone about anything. Is everyone lying to me?

In the past couple of weeks I've heard two criticisms of my church, and because of my background--where secrets WERE kept and lies WERE told--I've wondered if the criticism might be true, and what else they might be hiding (when I have no proof that they're hiding anything.)
I should read the Bible to find out what's right, but how can I when it's been so misused? I've read the Bible most of my life, but it still took other people to show me certain things I needed to so and what certain passages meant. And some of those people were the ones who lied (or at least repeated lies in good faith without realizing they were lies).

I'm also rather tired this morning. I was able to go back to bed after Matthew went to school because I don't have class today. I'm also fed up with autism. I started reading another book about autism (the story of a family with triplets that have autism) and I couldn't finish it. I'm burned out on autism, I'm burned out on school, but I can't quit because we'll have to pay back student loans and if I don't get a job, there's no way we can pay them back. This also affects my thinking and drags me down.

I'm sure people want to help, but I'm not even sure what to tell them that I need.