My DH and I have been in counseling for about two years--not because our marriage is in trouble, but because we want to keep it from getting into trouble. We have a 10-year-old son who has autism and the challenges we face are a bit more difficult than your "average" family.
Last night DH and I had a session and I shared with the counselor an e-mail I'd written which, when printed out, came to four pages. It described certain things that have been going on for the last couple of weeks.
My car died in May and DH has been taking the bus ever since. We're running on one car.
June and July have been a nightmare of trying to arrange supervision for DS. (I ended up missing the first two days of school (I am in school for court reporting) for summer quarter because DH had to work and DS did not have camp that week.) He's had day camp for three weeks in June and two weeks in July, We were able to get someone from church to take DS to camp when I am in school. I'm in school up until 2:30, then I rush to pick up DS at 3 p.m. Camp ends July 24th and that particular logistical nightmare will be over. Unfortunately, I learned just last night that contrary to what I had thought, DH doesn't have the first week in August off, which is the last week DS is out of school, and I may have to miss that week of school (which includes a test in Anatomy).
To get DH to work on time, we all get up at 5 a.m. and we're out the door by 5:30 a.m. I drop DH at the bus stop and then go back home to get breakfast for DS and myself. I also have a long list of supplements to give him from the naturopath we're working with for his autism. For the next week, we'll be out the door again at 7 a.m. I drop DS at the sitter's then head off to school.
DS's school starts on August 10th and some of the pressures will be eased . . . however, DH and I will need to figure out who is going to take DS to occupational therapy on alternate Mondays. DS has vacation time and a boss who's usually pretty understanding, and I can afford to miss about two Monday Anatomy & Physiology classes. My Anatomy class ends in September.
DS has speech therapy at four on Wednesdays. We're getting counseling every other Wednesday. On the Wednesdays we see the counselor, DH leaves the house at 5:30, I leave at 7 with DS, and none of us are home until we get home from church at 9 p.m.
When I'm in school, my schedule runs from 8 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. Monday through Thursday. Fridays are free. DH's work schedule runs from about 6 a.m. to 3 or 3:30 p.m, it takes him from around 3:30 p.m. to close to 5 p.m. to get home. He's usually in the house right before 5 p.m. We eat dinner at five or therabouts. DH has also been doing overtime every Saturday from about 6 a.m. to 3 p.m. I try to use Fridays and Saturdays to catch up on work that needs to be done around the house.
We put DS to be around 8 p.m. FORGET doing anything of substance after that.
Sundays are supposed to be a day of rest. Ha! We leave for church on Sunday around 8:30, come home at noon, eat, then we leave at 5:30 p.m. for a Financial Peace University class we're taking at another church. That class ends at the end of August, and then we will go back to our small group, which begins at 5:30--which means we have to leave at 5 p.m. in order to be on time. We come home between 7:30-8 p.m., eat dinner, put DS to bed, and then go to bed ourselves.
Actually, considering everything, we're not doing that badly. But here are the circumstances that are coming up:
1. Next year, DS starts middle school. Middle school in our county begins at 9:20 a.m. and ends at 4 p.m. I cannot go to day school with DS on that particular schedule, so if I want to stay in school, I will need to go back to nights. Not only that, I refuse to do day school during the summers again. Trying to arrange supervision for DS has pushed me pretty close to snapping.
2. DH had an interview with the organization he works for for a different position. The possibility that he might get this job looks very good. However, we don't know what the hours are, and he is going to be more "in the field" rather than in the office. If he doesn't get home before 5 p.m., there's no way I can go to night school, either, because night school runs three days a week from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m.
3. With our schedule as it is right now, the only time I get to practice on my machine outside of school is between 6 - 8 in the evenings. More often than not, I'm just plain spent and I get no practice time in. If I can't practice, I can't improve, and it'll take me longer to get out of school.
4. I'm doing a bit better sleeping at night with my CPAP, but more often than not, I wake up groggy. I've been downing too much Mountain Dew and Coke to make it through the day, plus trying to take a cool shower in the mornings to wake me up. The caffeine isn't good for me.
5. I should be exercising because I'm way overweight but there is literally *no time* in my schedule. And the only time I can get to do any sort of Bible "reading" is listening to it on my iPod.
6. I've given up on discussing politics for various reasons. Mainly, I don't have the time or the energy to dig through the information, spin, and outright lies that are out there.
DS has made two suggestions to consider, and these are two things I'd appreciate prayers on:
1. He would like to ask one of his unmarried siblings to come and stay with us. I get along well with my in-laws and one of them has lived here before. I think they would be willing to help. But just because they are willing does not necessarily mean that they are able. Both of these unmarried siblings live with their mom. She's 81, and although she's in excellent shape and very active, she did have heart surgery last year and one reason the siblings moved in was so they could make sure she is taken care of.
2. He wants us to take a good, hard look at the things that we are doing and figure out what we could/should cut out . . . and the suggestion he has made is taking off from Wednesday night church for a quarter. I'm torn about suggestion #2. I do enjoy the fellowship. Also, I stopped going to Wednesdays about two years ago because of some of the same reasons (time pressures) and I was given serious grief by someone for doing that (not someone who lives here). I don't want to be lectured about "forsaking the fellowship", but on the other hand, I don't think God wants me to drive myself to a frazzle in the name of not forsaking the fellowship.
We *are* going to have to do something. In the case of me and school, I can only think of three alternatives: either we hire someone to help with DS (which we haven't had much luck with when we've tried before; also, we really can't afford to pay a part-time nanny); have one of DH's siblings come and live with us, or I either quit school or find an online court reporting/captioning school. I can't go online at this school because you have to live a certain distance away and I live too close to school.
I fear that either DH, or I, or both of us, are going to snap if we don't figure out something to do or something to cut out of our schedules. Please pray that we find some help or some sort of a solution to the time factor.
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