Alliejames's Journal

I had a nice journal entry all written off, and then I lost my Internet connection and my writing has vanished into cyberspace, never to be retrieved.

My screen name is Alliejames.  I probably hold the record of the number of groups I joined here--nine, eight of which are support groups. 

I suspect I have the "pure-O" form of OCD.  Since i was a teenager, I've had swear words and other disgusting thoughts (mostly dealing with sex and the bathroom) running through my head.  Substituting other words for the swear words doesn't help. I don't swear, but I do think swear words and I wish I didn't. 

I've dealt with interstitial cystitis since 1991.  To be honest, I've just about given up on ever getting better.  I'm on meds, but I haven't been following the IC diet for some time.  I'm sick and tired of worrying about what I can and can't eat!!!

I've had sleep apnea for about the last year and a half.  I use a CPAP and that seems to help me get to sleep, but I keep waking up groggy.  And I HAVE to get up at  5 a.m. to take my husband to the bus stop!!  Contributing to this problem is that I'm definitely overweight, but food is just something I don't want to deal with right now.  I think I use food as comfort.

I haven't been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, but I suspect I may have it because I have sensitivity in certain trigger points (below the knee, above the elbow, around the collarbone). 

I have a preteen son that was diagnosed with autism at three.  While he's come a long way since then, there are times when it is very frustrating dealing with him!!

As a child, I did deal with being bullied--I've actually started to make peace with some of that but having that happen to me still affects my self-esteem.  In college, I got involved with an abusive church that for all intents and purposes believed that they were the only ones saved.  When I left that church and went to another one that talked about grace, THAT church ended up splitting into independent house churches.  The attitude everyone had was, you can do what you want, believe what you want, etc.  I told my husband right before we married, this isn't working.  We need to get out of this situation.  Which is how we ended up living where we are now.  I still ask myself the question, "What if I'm wrong and I don't know it until I go before God?  It'll be too late to do anything about it then."

I guess it should come as no surprise that one of the groups I joined was depression.  I'm on anti-depressants at the moment and they do seem to help. 

I'm also in school--have been for three years--taking classes in court reporting and captioning, and my progress depends on how fast I get through my speed classes.  I can't move forward in my speed unless I pass three speed tests, which are offered during every class period.  So I can't give a definite answer to, how much longer do you have in school? 

We don't have any family living here.  Most of our friends live a good half hour away.  In Christmas 2006, my DH and my mother had a very bad fight (most of which I think was her fault) and they have not spoken since.  My mother won't ask about him or even mention his name when I talk to her.  Recently I decided that it's her loss--but it still hurts!!

That's my story.  I'd appreciate any feedback.