frizotomariana's Journal

ok soo. toady wasss ok. i guess i went to woodstock with my mom which was nice. but i was sooo tired the whole time. i think my meds are sedating me a bit.  i dont know if its that or im just tired. this is all very confusing. and i feel alone in it. the only ppl that i know who have bipolar are kinda screw ups. like in jail and with drug problems and having to give up their kid or always loosing their job.  I dont want to be like that but also the meds are a painin the fucking ass. i hate this.  Not to mention I still have to figure out this whole college relationship crap.  My boyfriend just went to orientation and met some girl who is like a proffesional jump roper or some shit.  we have this unwritten rule that facebook messaging is not really an ok for of cummunication between the two of us.  but jump rope girl leaves him messages like insane and its sooo annoying. it pisses me off even though i know she is just some dorky girl he met. and he is just nice to everyone. its just right now.  after JUST being diagnosed with bipolar after my 2nd manic episode.  I dont want to deal with this type of situation.  ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. it doesnt help that his phone is dead right before he goes on vacation with his family.    damn...   i feel like shut a fucking needy bitch.   blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.   i need to chill but thats the hard part.   and i always excersise to get rid of this negative or just wild energy.  but im scared im gonna be MORE tired.  which i dont want.   so here i am journaling to ppl i dont know.  yay. life is wayyyy to complex right now.