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shultzy 
so this is my first journal entry.
i need something. i don't know what it is yet, but i need something. i think i need something to pull me back, make everything seem real again.
when i was younger, i prayed for dysfunction. i wanted it. it was cool to be troubled in the catholic school i went to. if your parents beat you, suddenly you were jesus. skip math class, go to the counselor. the cool kids online and at school had problems. they were on anti-depressants, their parents were negligent, or they had emotion problems or were raped or had bipolar disorder. the protagonist in the books i read had problems. i wanted problems.
now that i have them, i wish they would go away.
i'm not concerned about myself. maybe i sound like the martyr when i say that, but all i really want is for my parents to stop poisoning the image of the other one in my little brother's mind. he's only thirteen, for christ's sake. he doesn't need this. he needs something stable.
i'm considering staying with my boyfriend's family for a while, until things calm down here, but i can't leave my little brother here. i'm going to be leaving for school in august. how is he supposed to even survive without me? i don't really know.
