MollM's Journal

It was a good and hard weekend.  I stayed with friend durning the show.

The husband was/is actually ex's friend, he is a musician and they recorded

together and have known each other for years.  He had lots of questions about

ex, where is he, what's he doing so I had to say,  "we are not friends, I don't

hate him?? but we don't chat".  He nodded and said, of course, I understand.

I can tell that people expect me to be fine now so I'm careful what I say as I

can feel the judgements, "oh, she's jaded, scorned can't let go".  Perhaps that's

my paranoi but I don't  think so.  She compared it to her 10 year marriage ending

 when she was in her 30's and I don't think its the same issues.   I'm trying to

move forward, be more social, which is hard.  The show was not very lucrative

for me, I made my expenses.

  I had a really graphic dream while there that

I was in the living room at home and water was coming thru the ceiling, I ran upstairs

to the room that's below the roof that I am renting out, I found it hard to

get upstairs as there were so many boxes, I got to the door which was closed

and made of a heavy metal and I kept attempting to knock but no sound came out 

I started to feel panicky that it could not be heard.   This woman appeared whom

I know thru my church, I don't really know her and she put her arm around

me and said "you know, it's not really the roof your worried about don't you".

Then I woke up.   Strange.

I ordered a couple of the self help books and am awaiting their arrival.  The friends

wife does tarot card reading for a living and she did a reading.  I'm not really

sure about tarot but I thought what the heck.   It indicated that things would

get calmer over the next couple of months.   That I had a good understanding

of finances and there were opportunities out there to stabilize this area I had

to ask for help.  It all indicated steps moving forward and becoming more confidant and stronger.   That I would not be moving in the near future.   I also drew

a card that showed a maiden with a large lion lying at her feet, which indicated

that I would find a faithful partner in the future. ........who knows, all sounds

good though.