konfusion's Journal

I've always had a problem looking at the brighter side of things. To tell you the truth, I thought it was utter bull shit if you even considered yourself happy. I guess that's not the point though. Because I'm not avoiding my problems or hiding in bad habits, it's become easier to look myself in the face and feel alright about myself. I guess I was so focused on not being a bull shiter that I forgot the original thought of being a happy person. It doesn't mean you need to shit out rainbows. It means you're thinking of the future and what it holds and hoping for the best. I'm so focused on me for once... Not anyone else or anything...My sleep patterns are getting better and my overall attitude is improving. I might have had something to do with John's suicide and I used to feel guilty about that but it wasn't my fault. It was his choice and if he did it and it's done, I'm still left with a fucking problem. So I think I've earned the right to use that resentment to my advantage. Yup.. That's all ^_^