My mother was schizophrenic. I lived with her insanity all my life. She held knives to my stomach and threatened to kill me when I was very young, I watched her shoot herself when I was 5. She survived. When I was 10 I saw her shoot and kill my father. I thought she was going to kill me too but she didn't. I've suffered with depression and other things for almost 40 years. I never received any counseling.Just last month for the first time I saw a counselor at work and she said I had PTSD. I thought that was only something war vets got. Then she showed me the real definition. Wow. I wish I'd know this many years ago. I wish someone had helped me as a 10 year old child. Maybe I wouldn't have suffered so much all these years. I hope it's not too late to get better. It's hard to think of all the years that are wasted. It's also scary to think about digging into the past to get better. I've hidden it for so long. Pushed it all down inside. I am 2yrs post-divorce after 30 years of marriage. I have 2 wonderful sons 25 & 23. Work full time at a University and do volunteer work at a therapeutic horsepark for handicapped children, adults and military veterans.
My mother was schizophrenic. I lived with her insanity all my life. She held knives to my stomach and threatened to kill me when I was very young, I watched her shoot herself when I was 5. She survived. When I was 10 I saw her shoot and kill my father. I thought she was going to kill me too but she didn't. I've suffered with depression and other things for almost 40 years. I never received any counseling.Just last month for the first time I saw a counselor at work and she said I had PTSD. I thought
Music, Horseback riding, Motorcycle riding, Hiking, Gardening, cooking, reading, astrology.
Music, Horseback riding, Motorcycle riding, Hiking, Gardening, cooking, reading, astrology.
September 23, 2009 10:40am
Today would be my 32nd anniversary. Been divorced about 2+/-years. Some good years, some good memories but the last 10 years were hell. Steve …
September 18, 2009 7:16am
Now that I'm done whining about all I've lost it felt better to let it out. But I feel guilty for complaining. So many have things worse. I …
September 17, 2009 6:45pm
This is when I get REALLY down. When I see no reason to go on and I just want life to end. My son Sam and his new wife is in town but where are they? …
September 16, 2009 3:31pm
So the therapist wants me to write what's on my mind between sessions so we can figure out what we need to work on first. one thing on my mind …
September 15, 2009 7:11pm
I made it through the 1st visit with the therapist. Sigh of relief. I was much more impressed with the one from work that referred me to her than the …
Feel better soon. I too am SO very alone, it sucks! Talk with me anytime you'd like.
Your friend,
rayne
good....I hope you have the best weekend ever.
I am ok. Better question...how r u?
I am ok. Better question...how r u?
I sure hope you feel better soon. I'm praying for you and you are in my thoughts. Big Gental Hugs, Peach
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