Journal

Haiden's cousin Devan is like a second son to me. Every day, Haiden and Devan would play together. Now, Devan's gone too. Though he didn't die, his Dad took him away from us for no reason. I haven' seen him going on three weeks. I haven't heard his voice. Haven't hugged him. The only reason he did this to us is out of jealousy. My sister in law split up with him and was living with us. Every other week Devan went to see his Dad and every other week he was here, with me. I love him so much. Life sucks. Now I miss both my boys. Now both of my boys are gone. Why? Is God mad at me? I have done nothing wrong to deserve this...

Yet another holiday without my son's presence. This one isn't as emotional as Christmas or his birthday or mother's day.... but I still have memories of the year before last's fourth of july. He was only 4 months old, but we watched the fireworks together and he wasn't scared at all... We also had a cookout at our apartment. He loved when the family was all together making happy memories. He also loved the great food. Tomorrow, I will be spending the fourth with family and friends. We are taking Haiden's cousin Devan to a pool to go swimming. It helps to have a part in his life...