Journal

I woke up yesterday and my butt was hurting. I honestly thought my butt was just sore from using the bathroom so much. WELL I took a look and it looks like I have a hemorriod. I am SO freakin scared and SO freakin tired of finding more things wrong with me. I am on the birth control and should be starting my period next week, I have not had one in over a year and half. I am nervous about how I am going to react to having it. and then on top of it all I have this now! I woke up crying this morning had to cancel my plans to go to the beach with my sister because of the pain and the fear of having to go to the bathroom. I am SO tired of this. Part of me just wants to stop taking the meds. My husband wants to me to go to the doctor tomorrow about my butt. I am so nervous. I hate going to the doctor. This sucks. . . life sucks right now. .

On top of it all I went to a wedding yesterday and saw 4 pregnant woman. I personally know 4 others who are prego. Its not fair. . why do I have to have the constant reminder that I may not be able to be a mother! 

I am angry, sad and frustrated. I feel alone. I am far from being happy right now. Tears are startign up again. . . . I hate this!

Its Day 4 of me taking my medicine. I must say I have been very proud of myself sticking to no carbs. I didn't think I would last. I am thinking what keeps me motivated and focused with that is how sick I felt on Monday. I do not want to feel like that again. lol

I do however have some concerns. I feel like my sex drive has kinda died down. Not sure if that's normal. I also noticed be very dry. .. down below. Again, not sure if that is a result from the medicine. If so. . . . I don't like it and may talk to the doctor about that.

I did noticed I was EXTREMELY tired yesterday, I am hoping that I am not tired like that everyday either. 

I would like to start working out. .  that's my next step and goal!