Im not really sure what to write …
Im not really sure what to write here. I am feeling ok tonight. Havent had a fight with Paddy in a wek and we are …
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MikeJRobinson 
11:32am, October 13, 2009
I have no idea what to put as a journal entry. I am not a good person for putting things on paper unless asked questions I tend to ramble on and sound pathetic. Maybe that is why I have more online friends than real friends and they are still few and far between. I trust women more adn get along with them better cause of my past history that someday maybe i will share with you if asked. I have few friends in the real world cause they have always found some way to hurt me or to use me. Some are freinds that you never really hear from but when you run into them you do not want them to leave you alone again. Others like to kid like all the teasing and bullying was fun and games for them and me while you really wish they were dead. Then there are those who will always be freinds even though they hurt you and you are to scared to try and make amends.
If any of this makes sense to you then let me know cause i am so confused about life most of the time i do not know if i am coming or going and whether i would be better alive or dead.
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You don't have to worry about what you put in a journal on here - the good thing about this site is that we all have our issues that we're trying to deal with; so, even if we can't relate to your particular situations, we can relate to the struggle of getting through it all.
As for rambling, anyone who's been mad enough to read my journal entries can tell you that that's a habit we both share lol
It gets easier to write stuff down, and the more you do the more you will realise that it does help - even if other people can't advise you, etc, it helps make things clearer to yourself. Writing is one of the best forms of therapy there is.
I understand the friend thing too. I have 4 people I consider real friends, and a number of people I just know. I used to (and still do quite a bit) keep my distance to stop myself from getting used and hurt - but I'm starting to realise that if you do that, you also keep your distance from people who could become really important in your life. Since I've started letting people in again, I've been hurt - a lot! But it's made me see that I'm strong enough to survive it.
(see....? rambling lol)
xxxx
DarkFireDreams
I must tell you that, if there is someone at fault here, it is certainly not you.
Bullies, comes from abusive families, and when growing up, it's the only identity they know and that they can use to be popular in the circles of bullies.
Personally I was never bullied, I was in fact quite popular and mostly a Leader in my own group of friends, in school and even in older life.
But my beautiful teenage daughter, was a victim of abuse one year, when she was in grade 6.
To the point that she had missed a good 10 days of school due to it.
I had a meeting with the Principal at the time, but he prefered to keep the bully iin school, instead of expulsing him out of school.
Why? because the child was better off being in school at least 7 hours a day, then being at home, where his parents were into heavy drugs.,
Get my point.
The child was a bully, cause he was bullied at home, by a coule of parents, who were on drugs, and probably got very upset when he was in their way when doing their drugs.
So I did explain this to the best of my knowledge to my beautiful daughter, and today, she is popular, and most importantly a Leader.
Fortunately it only happened that year, and never again.
As for you my friend, when this happens to you, please let them be, and leave them they are most likely not very popular with the real crowd of people who are well brought up, like you were.
Are you in therapy? or like DarkFireDreams sugested, write a daily journal, with your thoughts and experiences, it just might help you go through life easier.
Good luck, Mckenzie
One day at the time.
ps: one good piece of advice before I close, listen to the news, read journals, listen to the radio, for the recents events, everyone in my circle loves to hear about recent events, and not all listens for it, so you always have something new to talk about with your friends. They will immediately find you resourceful, and interesting. One more thing, it's always better to listen than to talk to much. Maybe it could be a turning point for you, to use these 2 very useful bit of advice.
Mckenzie