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HappyPlatypus 
9:23pm, August 30, 2009
HI!
I'm new to MS, new to blogging, new to support groups. I'm losing my virginity on all sorts of fronts here, so forgive me any trespasses in etiquette or netiquette; they're not intentional!
I'm 38 and married, and I'm the proud papa of 10 rescued kitties and three rescued dogs. I never thought I'd say things like "We don't eat poop in this house" or "We may be from the Ozarks, but we don't hump our sister in this house" but, well, when you live with a gazillion pets, there you go.
I try not to take things too seriously, but I'm finding that harder and harder nowadays. I never used to take life seriously, but now sometimes it feels like I don't even remember how to laugh. Sheesh. Who cares that my M.S. started showing with the loss of eyesight in my left eye, when my eyes are so blurred with tears now anyway?
Living with a newly diagnosed disability is pretty discouraging, but what I'm finding most frustrating is not the disease itself, but its ramifications. My wife is partially disabled from an on-the-job accident in February, so we rely on my income and my insurance, and with the economy the way it is, my job's not the most stable. And at $2,300 per month to insurance, Copaxone isn't the cheapest drug on the market. So sudddenly I'm terrrified not so much of the disease but of losing my job or of doing something wrong at work. I feel like I'm no longer in control of my own life.
JFK said once that what we have to fear is fear itself, and he was right. Fear is pretty much the one overriding factor in my life right now. That and anger.
I'm trying to be strong for everyone else. Everyone else is trying to be supportive; but I can tell they're so scared, so I'm devoting resources I don't have to reassuring them. It helps them. And I guess in that respect it helps me.
But God. I don't want any more inspirational books. Am I the only person who is sick of being deluged with allegedly inspirational books written by celebrities who are soooooooooo far past the stage of M.S. that I'm in that I can't even imagine they remember it?
I hate to be a cranky puss, but I'm sick of hearing about inspirational people. Right now they only inspire annoyance.
:)
I'm sick of hearing about people telling me it's OK to feel angry. Because no one actually tells me ABOUT the anger. No one tells me how LONG the anger lasts, or WHAT it feels like or HOW to deal with it, only that it occurs. THAT'S what I need.
Oh well.
So there you have me in a nutshell. Confused, cranky and self-deprecating. But I do like other folk and I do try to be supportive. I wish you all well in your journeys as well.
T
Comments
wow 10 kitties and 3 dogs I agree with you when people say it's ok 2 be angry xox
mycat
I received many books too, mostly from my father. I read them all.
However, I can appreciate the crankiness and anger that you mention.
I lived more in denial than anger for quite sometime. In some ways, I probably still do.
I did things like trying to carry several things down the basement steps with having no feeling from my waist down. I also had a cat who loved to get under my feet while I was carrying many things at once down the steps. It did not end well. I fell several times before I finally got the idea that maybe I needed to not carry anything down the stairs and to hold on to the railing.
Also, when I was numb and could not feel my feet, I would wear clogs, these are shoes with no back, in case you didn't know.
Anyhow, during a Christmas visit to relatives, I lost one of my shoes. My husband got upset, not because I was so numb that I could lose a shoe and not know it, but because he thought that I was trying to get a new pair of shoes.
I have many other examples of how I wasn't ready to accept that I may have ms and that I needed to change how I went about my life.
It's a process that we all go through in our own ways.
xxxoo, Holly
happysoul