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runxc19 
1:02pm, October 24, 2009
i just want to feel alive again and not like such a walking ghost. i know i should avoid withdraying and continue to get up and funtion in the midst of shutting down. but its painful. i feel myself so completely disconnected and unable to relate to this reality that i want to recreate my own- or continue allowing myself to be in the reality i've always been in. its so strange going even 2 weeks without being hurt. something seems terriably wrong when i'm not being hurt, and i feel even more ashamed. i'm overwhelmed and stressed and saddened by everything. I feel shut away and blocked from from surroundings and eveoryone, completely misunderstood and silenced.
i continue to recreat an imaginary and safe place to go, work on avoiding ppl, places and siituations i know i should be avoided but some things just seem like they will always be.
Comments
Its so good to hear that you'll be here to listen to my weird problems. And thanks for the hug. you're a good friend. : ) And regarding this post, I know how u feel. I feel like im out of sync with the rest the world everyday.
popcornmania
awwww, I know how you feel. It sucks. I've was feeling like that for the last couple weeks or so and then I got hurt again so it felt more 'right' more 'normal' but it doesn't have to be that way, and it shouldn't be that way. It's weird to think how other ppl would feel weird unless they were being hurt, and yet when it's our own life, that seems to be the norm. Things will get better and they'll look up and before you know it it will be normal to feel that way, noraml to be happy and free and not to be hurt all the time. It takes some getting used to and it takes some time, but it'll happen. I'm here for ya though. Hang in there.
ItsMyDream2