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runxc19 
1:02pm, October 24, 2009
I passed out this morning. fml. i hate my non-existant blood-pressure. then i had to manage the strength to go to work. i work at a small upscale boutique in a quaint historical town. its nice, but a lot of pressure. and i feel pretty bad for fainting. i have my first drs appointment tmw, since i was discharged from the hospital, so i really don't want to sound like a screw up or be a disappointment. so i just won't say anything, just that i am getting back on track from a couple day lapse from adjusting to the transition. i just don't want to feel sick all the time anymore. i think most of it is just from not getting much sleep and my body really taking a toll from my night terrors and the flashbacks at night. its scary how much the body can remember and recall. they are getting to be a little to much and i feel like i'm dug way too deep. i feel pretty alone in all of this. but its so hard to say anything, when silence itself was a huge threat. things get worse if you speak. and they still do. i'm scared.
Comments
awww, sweetie I'm soooo sorry. I know how you feel, I've been blacking out a lot lately and I eventually had to tell my supervisor about my struggle b/c I was deathly afraid of passing out or something. I also understand the strange feeling about how the body seems to remember so much. I wish I had some adivce but I guess I don;t have much, other than hang in there and keep pushing forward. As cliche as it sounds, it just takes time, and I know talking sucks and its hard and it CAN sometimes make things worse, but sometimes it helps you feel a lot better and helps releave some pressure. I'm totally here for you if you ever need anything. Please dont hesitate to write/talk if you need to I'm here for you and I'm rooting (sp? lol) for you. Hold on, keep fighting, and stay strong.
ItsMyDream2
im so sorry that you feel so scared : ( I know that its really hard to talk, and especially hard to ask for help, but passing out sounds sooo scary. I really really hope that you feel better.
popcornmania