crazymaj's Journal

Well, all I can say about the convention i wwent to is that is was absolutely AWESOME!  I had a great time.  It has built up my spirituality, I feel closer to my God, and there was the added bonus of catching up with quite a few friends who i haven't seen since last years convention.

Now i'm back home again, I have to try and keep my spirituality level up in daily life and be the person I know my God wants me to be.

I wont say anything about what I learned from the convention, not because I don't want to, but because there are other people I know who use this site, who will be going to the same convention held somewhere else in thw world, and I dont want to spoil anything for them.  If I was to say everything I had learned then it would be like me opening a present of theirs for them before it was even time for them to have the present. So I wontdo that, but I will sy it was awesome.

Im going away again in a few weeks.  My mum and I are going up to the city for a shopping spree.  There arent many shops here, so every so often, my mum and I do a "bonding excercise" and go shopping together.  I like shopping with my mum, she gives me an honest opinion.  If she doesnt like something she will tell me, and I will do the same.  I value her opinion on things.

But for now, its just back to the daily grind.  Back to the old routine.  Im glad I have it though.  My depression gets out of control if I dont have a routine and stick to it.  I dont know how people cope without a routine.

I can't remember if I told you in my first journal or not, but I have a problem with self-harm.  It is fairly under control, and Im working with people both in theraoy and in my congregation (seperately,but both consentingly) to try and curb this bad habit.  I started a few years ago, when I was particularly low and I quite frankly at the time, did not care if I lived or died, and absently went to the kitchensink and then looked down to discover i was cutting my wrists.  Needles to say, I didnt cut them very badky, but I did realise the immediate benefits I got from self-harm and it has been a constant battle since then for me to keep t under control.

What I wanted to say in mentioning this, was that I found that while I was in the city with my brothers and sisters (the term witneses use for fellow witnesss, regarless of "rank" - Even the leaders of the congregations are referred to as Brother) anway, when I was surrounded by my best friends and in a safe environment, I felt no urges whatsoever. It was wonderful.  I didnt even realise it until I was on the bus on my way back here that I had gone the whole weekend without having an urge to self-harm.  Itis the first time in about 6 months that I have done that and it was a good feeling. 

anyway, it's a bit of a silly point really.  But I just felt like sharing it with you, thatI had a little triumph(even if temporary) over a "thorn in the flesh".  

Anyway, It is late so I'm off to bed, but I hope my new friends here are doing ok. And I hope everyone else is finding the strength to cope as well. I know it cn be hard sometimes, but from what I have experienced and seen others experience, it is worth the fight.

 Roll on the new system. 

 Madeleine