Journal

Hey guys, how are you? Well me, I'm nervous. Wednesday I'm going back to college for a Basic Math Course, it's a summer class course. This will be my fourth attemp at college, the fist two attemps I was 21, 22 and not doing very good, a lot of drinking and making bad choices. the third time was last Spring semester again I didn't do very good, what I found out it has nothing to do with the ademics, I am smart, but what I'm having a problem is "sticking to it". I was doing really good for half the semester I ended up in my mid term an "A" average, but after the mid semester I started to run into some problems. Mainly I was living in an appartment that was well maintained the Whole month of Febuary I had no heat or hot water then the ceiling started to fall appart because of the snow on the roof. And the landlord didn't want to anything about it, it ended up that I had to call the authorities and move. I then moved into a much better appartment, but I think the damage to my stability and peace of mind already happened. I started to get really depressed again, thoughts of hurting myself came into my head. I probally should have gone to the psych ward again, but I didn't. Regardless, I started to skip classes again, I didn't like going to school, I didn't want to get up and I think the worst was that I started not to care. I ended up dropping most of my courses and got an "F" with the only class I had left. At my home life I isolated, I didn't drink or use drugs, but I didn't do anything else either. I stopped going to my therapy, AA meetings, NA meetings,I started not taking my meds, and I stopped taking care of myself and my surroundings. I was going down hill and I was started to pick up steam. I actuactly not sure what snapped me out of it, but just said enough is enough, time to get off the "pity pot". I went back doing the things that helped me again, the meeting, therapy, talking to friends getting out of the house ect.. Part of me getting back on tract was going back to school, so I talked everyone I needed to and agreed to go to Summer classes, and thats where I'm at. The only problem is that I have some fear. I'm afraid that I'll be all gun-ho now, but after midterms I'll fall again. I know I can't think of it that way, but it is in the back of my mind. I am hoping someone can help by giving suggestions to help me "Stick to it"