whirlwind of a day
boy today has been a whirl wind of emotions first a wake up wondering what its ging on with my brother after he went to …
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barina29 
8:13am Wednesday
I just don't know what to do anymore!! I can't seem to shake everything that is bad off of me. I just want to disappear and never be seen again. I want to runaway and start again. But I can't!! I watch people live their glamourous lives and just get down on myself about how shit my life is and why I don't have the strength to change it. I feel like my life has full control over me now! It's just not meant to be that way! I want the crying to stop cos then I won't be weak and sensitive. I really really don't think I deserve to be here anymore. I watch people die around me and I just think "I don't deserve to be here - I don't appreciate life so I shouldn't be given it." My aunty - who is the most healthiest person I know - has cancer for the third time and all I see her doing now is wasting away but trying to live her life to the fullest before she dies, and all I can think is "here I am trying to kill myself and abusing my body in every way I can, and she has to be the one to die!!!" What the FUCK!!!! Ahhhhhh!!! It's just not fair anymore. She doesn't deserve it!!! I deserve to die, not her. FUCK life and everything about it!!! I just want to stop the cutting cos if I can stop that then I can stop the lies!!!
Won't anyone help me?!!!
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sometimes it is impossible to make sense of life, i hear your struggle. we don't get to make the life and death rules! I don't think you will believe me but I am going to tell you anyway....YOU do deserve to live!
Keep talking, don't let all the emotions get stuck inside, please know that you are loved and have a lot to live for, even in those times when you really don't feel that you do. Please hang onto that.
Saz41