hollerchick1972's Journal

Well its saturday july 11th 2009 .

this by far has been the longest hardest month of my life i have to admit that and it seems to keep getting harder by the day i had my appointment at the specialist a few days ago while sitting in the waiting room full of people my anxiety kicked in hard i felt as if people was stareing at me like eww i really thought hard about walking out and not being seen i was so nervous and i knew that most if not all the people there have the same thing as me mostly because the only pamplets on the shelf read about hepc and how to deal and stuff like that it felt like i was in a scary movie in a room full of patients ..when they called my name i barely was able to walk to the sign in  lady to give my info there was every stage of hep c patients waiting to be seen one guy was older like 70 maybe roughly guessing and his hair was falling out clearly i could tell it was from the interferon he was holding a bag full of meds that he takes to show the dr i assume .ziplock see threw kind talking about how he was all alone in world since his wife had died last yr. one lady was there on the wrong day she didnt even remember it was the wrong day really confused ..then there was a few couples there together who seemed to be whispering i as i do naturally thought they must be talking about me they seemed to look my way alot or maybe im just parinoid but all in all i have to say i was so uncomfortable and scared to be sitting there i told my self just be strong and you will get threw this .so 1 hour later it seemed they called my name to go back relieved i was so i went back and the took my bp and weighed me i gained 2 pounds lol ..then she says the dr isnt here yet so have a seat back out front i was like noooooooooooooooooooooooooo lol im thinking if hep c doent kill my nerve damage will lol so out i go . didnt have to wait but 30 mins more .so back i go to see the dr ..first thing he says so you have hep c ? i was thinking like no shit lol ...i said thats what they tell me ..and eariler that day my reg dr said i have now got diabetes and high blood pressure  and put me on med ..so this dr says and you have diabetes to what meds are you on i was like i dunno they just told me today ..he goes on to say the run down of how i can start the shots for treatment or wait 6 months said either way was my choice and that the shots would make me really sick ..i said dr i dont feel sick at all at times i feel on top of it all and he said there will be days that you will feel ok and days you wont ...so i picked wait 6 months to see if i get worse or feel better ..i think i about ran out of there lol so i call my dr to see if my mammogram results are back and the lady nurse says mam they had to send the test to a specialist to get a second look before we can tell you ..my heart sunk once again i thought here we go i can see my self a few days from now sitting in a room full of cancer patients looking at my boobs and whispering to them selfs ...so now i wait til they come back ...went out to just simply escape my worries for a few drove around got my son take out and the cell phone rings my kids grandma on the other end says you may wanna call your dad they are trying to reach you ..i hung up called my brother and said hey whats up ..i sit there in the drive threw listening anxietly to what he says he says " dad had a heart attack and is having a triple bipass " my heart sunk and i broke down crying so hard my dad happens to be 8 hours away ...so run down of the week i had to be admitted to the hospital i was a pretty color of yellow they kept me up all night it seemed ..i nearly had a nervous breakdown at the specialist ....i found out i have diabetes and high blood pressure .my mammogram is all wacky and being looked at by specialists and then my dad is hanging on for his life after a heart attack ..oh yeah mother nature decieded to visit lmao ..so i am hanging on day by day i cry alot and think about dieing every min it seems last night i was alone laying in bed thinking how much more can i take and crying i glanced over to my dresser there sat a botlle of pills ..i said to my self wonder how many of those i would have to take to end this nightmare and reach for the bottle turned it around and read what it was ...to my surprize it was zantac 150 mg ..for my heartburn so i laughed at my self and said guess i wont be going out of this world on belly pills ..but i was to that point and wonder what i would have done if they was a diff med in that bottle ..sometimes i feel hopeless but i am praying and hoepful that things will get better soon ..and mother nature can kiss my butt ...